A Perfect Match

Now that's perfection!

Perfect Match! Terry’s “this-better-not-go-in-the-blog” face.

Zoo

Zoo

Too many jokes:  My wife, Terry, mentioned to me that my blog has diverted from anecdotes about fatherhood and family and become focused on jokes. Guilty as charged. Therefore, this blog will not make unsuccessful attempts to be funny. It will be a normal boring account of self-indulgent moments spent with my family. 

Peninsula

Dinner time

A jokeless account of April: April saw three birthdays, nephew Elliott, niece Gemma, and her mom/sis-in-law Melissa. We had three birthday parties. Family and friends attended. It was fun.

Zoo: I met bro-in-law Danny and we went to the zoo! We saw animals. It was fun.

Peninsula:  Ava and Gia have friends at Edmonds Elementary, Mara and Annabelle. Their father, Ben, invited us to their beach house on the peninsula outside Joyce. Guess what? We went. It’s true. We roasted hot dogs and ate s’mores. Kaya had her own “small” chair. It was fun.

Ferry

On the Ferry

Sock story: Okay, eeeeenough! I can’t not be corny. Let me tell you about my taste in socks. Namely, put ‘em on and forget about it. My wife caught me wearing socks that didn’t match. Did I correct the socks? Just look above.

If you wanna score, do a chore! …or so says my sister, Min, to her husband. Evidently Faceook COO Sheryl Sandberg agrees, as she writes in her latest book, Lean In, observing that “men who do more housework have more sex.” (However…a recent study refutes this.) Sandberg is obviously nuts. Time to revisit The Sex-for-Chores Carrot. And to double down, check out The New Republic taunt “self-made” Sandberg’s eight pages of acknowledgements.

On the road

On the road

Punishment Dad Style: My automobile’s a mess. I blame the girls. My wife blames me. What to do? Make a new rule: The girls don’t enter the house until the car is cleaned. I’ll wait at the front door teasing them with the keys until they clean up their shredded paper, lunch snack leftovers, toys, and clothes. They’ll get used to it…they always do.

Tribute to Wife:  She puts up with me, proof that she’s awesome! Terry and I are the true perfect match.

On the Peninsula

On the Peninsula

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Dyslexics Untie!

Happy 4th Kaya!

Happy 4th Kaya!

Aunts

Aunts

Mom & Kaya

Mom & Kaya

Boring in Life? I’m talking to Tracy, and she asked me why I’m so much funnier in my blog than in life. Good question. It’s a matter of intent or accident.

Bad-ass Lasagna

Bad Ass Lasagna

Ch"ugh"-E-Cheese

Ch”ugh”-E-Cheese

A Tracy and a Terry Walk into a Room:  I’m hanging with wife Terry and sis-in-law Tracy and they’re in an unusually foul mood. I say, “I see it must be that time of month. That reminds me of a joke.” Terry loses her cool and says, “PMS jokes are not funny! Period!”

Fort time!

Fort time!

Kid fun

Kid fun

My efforts at apology were not going anywhere, and then my wife said, “My mood has nothing to do with PMS, I think I have a bladder infection.”

I replied, “Well, then, I think urine trouble.”

Eight-year-old Ava gets into the Act: Ava decided to turn on the humor. Unfortunately, though women are superior to men in most aspects, humor ain’t one of them. See: Women Just Ain’t Funny.

Cousins!

Cousins!

Ava:  Knock knock?

Dad:  Who’s there?

Ava:  Banana.

Dad:  Banana who?

Ava:  A banana is waiting for you to say orange.

Morning

Morning

Afternoon

Afternoon

Intermission:  Sun and snow in one day – the first days of spring we woke up to snow, but by afternoon it was gone. See pictures on right and left.

A Dyslexic Walks Into a Bra…and for the grand finale: I got my medical documents back and they messed up. They said I have Type A blood, but it was actually a Type O…ba-ba-boo-ya!

Uncle Sanjay on Penn Cove

Uncle Sanjay on Penn Cove

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A Fine Sense of Humor

Before the Father-Daughter Dance

Before the Father-Daughter Dance

Tracy w/ex Portland Blazer Bill Walton...or is it my Father-in-law?

Tracy w/ex Portland Blazer Bill Walton…or is it my Father-in-law?

Goin' Dancing!

Goin’ Dancing!

Anatomy of a Joke:  Recently San-J, Tra-C, my wife, and I had dinner. Conversation drifted to my sense of humor/sense of hammer from my recent blog. They called me corny! Corny? I had to lay more humor down, explaining the formula joke, a common theme used and misused by the comedian…I started with why Arabic food cracks me up…because of my sense of hummus.

Happy 8th B-Day Ava!

Happy 8th B-Day Ava!

From one joke many:  I’m in overdrive, and posit, “Why does Tracy dig it when people talk about her? Her excellent sense of rumor.” Tracy said, “I don’t get it.” The back & forth trumped the joke, and she still said she didn’t get it. Then I waxed, ”You hear about the grumpy oncologist who was fired? He had no sense of tumor.” More: “Why do the Superbowl halftime guys put up with that ex-Bengal QB? Because they have a good sense of Boomer.” The eyes kept rolling. Finally San-J said, “You know what I think of your jokes?”And he let out a big gasser, exhibiting his own scent of humor.

三朵金花!

三朵金花!

Mom & Gia Skating

Mom & Gia Skating

Subtle Man: So I’m going to a respectable function and my wife says, “You’re not wearing that T-shirt, are you?” I retreat to the bedroom, throw on a collared shirt, and head out, but my wife notices the T underneath. She says, “I see you didn’t take it off.” I said, “It’s what I call my subtle-T!”

I'm a Rainbow Warrior

I’m a Rainbow Warrior

From our balcony in Waikiki

From our balcony in Waikiki

Sad Ava: Bedtime. We send Ava to get a book to read, and she somehow gets a hold of the wrong one:  Go the F*ck to Sleep. Mom says no way. I second it. Ava starts crying because we won’t let her read the book. And in an ironic and predictable twist, guess what mom and dad were thinking?

Sister's family in Hawaii

Sister’s family in Hawaii

Min & Somjait's house with my wife w/niece & nephew

Min & Somjait’s house with my wife w/niece & nephew

It Just Gets Worse:  And a grand finale. My wife sees me as a glass not just half empty, but almost completely empty. She excessively badgers me and I had enough. I lost it and said, ”I can’t stand your nagitivity!” Ba-ba-baaa-Boom!

Trail to Diamond Head

Trail to Diamond Head

Waianae, outside my sister's house.

Waianae, outside my sister’s house.

OK, the above joke is fiction, my wife’s great, we just got back from Hawaii (where my sister Min lives with husband & three kids) and a kid-free vacation (except for my sister’s varmints). Enjoy pictures of the Father-Daughter Dance, Ava’s birthday, and Oahu.

Video of the Month: Remember when Tracy got her PhD in Hair in my blog Hair Science? Now she’s doing promo for her salon! See Tra-C in  Fun Kuts, with a cameo by San-J and his scent of humor.

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Hard Workin’ Dad

The girls knit!

The girls knit!

Disneyland Bound

Disneyland Bound

Hard workin’ Dad:  My wife, who works long, often crazy hours including weekends, asked the girls who works harder? Mom or Dad? The girls said, “Dad!” Mom said, “No way!” The girls said, “Way!” Mom said, “Why doest thou betray?” Girls said, “We think Dad works harder because he works eight jobs and you only work one.” Mom, of course, was outraged at the mad injustice. Of course she works harder. But Dad’s got game and plan: no matter what he’s doing, he tells the girls he’s “working.” Whether it’s looking after the kids, writing blogs or manuscripts, reading, cooking dinner, playing basketball at the health club, doing “research” on the Internet, or watching a ball game with a beer, Dad always says, “I’m working, don’t bother me.” Smart dad, I’d say.

Kaya!

Kaya!

Kayaboogs:  Kaya will turn four this spring equinox, and she’s definitely growing. Even though she’s shy with strangers, there’s no shame when picking her nose. She’ll just be hanging with a finger tusk emerging out of her nostril, and no matter how much we make fun of her, she just laughs and laughs. Lately, though, things have taken an ominous twist, as I’ll be driving and I’ll hear from the backseat, “Garbage!” I’ll reach my hand back and she’ll deposit a snot nugget in the palm of my hand. Hmm…I wonder if she has her dad’s sense of humor.

A Tale of Two Tables

A Tale of Two Tables

End of the Table:  In our living room we had an end table. Over the years a coaster-less drink or two left a mark on the surface, making it a useless piece of junk in my wife’s eyes. My wife is a fan of the “distressed” look of home furnishing, unless it’s real, and then she wants to replace. I’m a fan of “distressed” home furnishing because it means no need to worry about the next mark caused by a coaster-less drink. But my wife won this battle, jettisoned a perfectly good “distressed” piece, and bought a new end table for the living room.

Gia wearing a "Caleb" shirt

Gia wearing a “Caleb” shirt

JOKE OF THE MONTH: 

Question - Why did the carpenter laugh after smashing his thumb?

Answer – Because he had a strange sense of hammer.

(And for politics, pop culture, and more of the same sense of “hammer,” go to my other blog - Richard Cheese vs. Rage Against the Machine)

Video of Christmas Past:

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Christmas 2012 & a New Cousin

Three Generations!

Three Generations!

Elliot holding lil' sis Quincy, Ava holding lil' cousin Gemma

Elliot holding lil’ sis Quincy, Ava holding lil’ cousin Gemma

Pictures trump words:  I’m certain my family and eager fans are waiting for more sexist humor or the next neologism, but this post will be pretty basic. I’m busy and can only offer photos and a diary-like account of the happenings since the last post. Photos trump words anyways, and so why write thousands when I can post pictures?

Stig, Mark, & Sanjay

Stig, Mark, & Sanjay

Lyngras visit:  My sister Sarah returned for the holidays with her son Nikolai and husband Stig. So we had a guys night out with my bro-in-law San-J and neighbor Mark, who has three sons that sometimes play with our three daughters. Stig’s Norwegian, Mark’s from the U.K. and I was born in Taiwan, thus Sanjay is the only native American. We went to Edmonds, a wild urban jungle, and no one remembers what happened.

Two dudes celebrate Baby Chopra & have a cigar

Two dudes celebrate Baby Chopra & have a cigar

Quincy!  The big story is the arrival of baby girl Quincy Taryn Chopra, born on December 1st to Tracy and Sanjay Chopra. A big congrats. All this time I thought Sanjay was a hermaphrodite, but fathering a baby offers contradictory evidence. Cigar time!

Grandy riding the duck with the grandkids

Grandy riding the duck with the grandkids

Duck tour:  So the ladies decided that this year we would “Ride the Duck” thing or whatever. Great fun, you ride this bus through downtown Seattle. Kids loved it. What can I say? As for Christmas, just another holiday season, merry-as-usual, and we’re hunkering down for the New Year.

And the final photo, Christmas Day! Best wishes for 2013!

Christmas Morning!!!

Christmas Morning!!!

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The Elected Sexist

Elliot, Gia, Ava & Kaya – Little Pumpkins!

Hanging with the girls

Election 2012! What a year. As if anyone out there isn’t fed up with election talk. Why the three plus week wait? Well, I had planned and prepared to post a few days after Nov. 6, but I’m the sort who sees a lot of pros in crastination. As usual, the same sexist rhetoric will filter, staying true to the idea that women are superior, and us men have a chip on our shoulder and are pissed.

Ten Years of Marriage:  My wife and I are going strong, and our next anniversary will be #10. But who can forget this headline - Entire Republican National Convention Stunned As Ann Romney Asks For Divorce?

At the zoo

Pot Legalized in Washington, Hostess Out of Business:  Washington state and Colorado became the first two states to legalize marijuana, coinciding with a Hostess brouhaha with the union. Just when Hostess sales would skyrocket with the increase of “stoners with munchies,” the union and company couldn’t come to terms and the junk food behemoth is heading out of business.

At Grandpa’s House

GAY MARRIAGE R-74:  And Washington doubled down by passing R-74 (see this article). My wife voted for it because: “I want homosexuals to be as miserable as me.” (Not the first time this joke has been used.)

Justified Sexism:  If anyone out there doubts whether women are superior, look no further than the FBI Top Ten List, it’s 100% Men. If the FBI had a Top Thousand List there might be ten or twenty women, max.

At Eva’s 4th Birthday

Joke of the Month – Pamela Anderson: Okay, despite female superiority, there are exceptions. Look no further than green enthusiast and PETA nut Pamela Anderson, who has riddled herself with synthetics to beautify. She’s what I’d call a botoxymoron…Ba-Boom! Thank you thank you thank you…

Mother & Daughter

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Photos & Songs for the End of Summer

On the ferry to Whidbey Island

Tra-C & San-J

Terry, Ava, & Gia

Too Many Cute Photos:  It’s the end of summer, and many great photos didn’t make previous blogs, so I figured I’d write a few words with some additional shots, as well as add a music theme with a shout out to my sister Sarah and her piano pedagogy.

Picking Blueberries w/Farmer Ben

Super Sarah:  A minor health problem meant Sarah had to stay in the United States as her husband and son went back to Saudi Arabia. Fortunately, she had a quick recovery, and as a blessing in disguise, in the short time here she started teaching Ava and Gia piano using her self-made Yellow Cat method. In a matter of two weeks she had Ava & Gia familiar with keyboard geography, and able to play simple one-note songs. Not only that, they enjoy it. Way to go Sarah!

Chopsticks – Is There Any Worse Song? In the spirit, my wife suggested she teach the girls ”Chopsticks.” No!!! Man, that song is mad noise, every note is wrong; it’s the result of a primate beating a piano.

At 3 Sisters Farms

Love Song:  And now for another wacky conversation with Tracy. Tra-C, San-J, Terry, and I were sitting around waiting for dinner, and an aptly titled “Love Song“ emitted from the speakers. I said, “This is the only ballad from what hard rock band?”

Tracy:  Give us a clue.

Caleb:  It’s one of the biggest hard rock bands ever.

3 Sisters T-Shirts

Tracy:  Does that mean they have a lot of band members?

Caleb:  No.

Tracy:  Another clue.

Caleb:  Take the “T” and “R” from your name.

Tracy:  What? Let’s see, Acy. A-cy. Ace of Base?

Caleb: Ace of Base? Hard rock?

Aunt Sarah and the Girls

Terry:  AC/DC!

My wife makes me proud, once again.

(Click above or here to hear song)

3 Sisters Photos:  Okay, supposedly it’s the Year of the Locavore. And 3 Sisters‘ Farm is about a mile away from my parents’ house on Whidbey Island. And, for those who read my blog on PCC, PCC evidently sells the brand. Go figure.

Picture of the Month:  A Yellow Cat Painting down by “Artist Mom,” as my sister calls her. Click on picture for her website.

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