Monthly Archives: May 2010

The Art of Wool Socks, Belt Weenies, and T-Shirts

Ava, Gia, and Friends

Normally Notes of a Sexist Stay-at-home Father, or NOASSAHF (Pronounced No-ass-ah-F) grooves on the humor of parenting, sexism, and the nauseatingly cute. This post diverges toward fashion and art.

Masterpiece #1

Masterpiece #2

On the left and right are two stunning works. But who be the artist, man? Jackson Pollock? Or one of his imitators? (compare with the original JP on the sidebar) How much gravy do these works earn? In what famous galleries do they hang? How much are they worth now? Are they in a private collection? Answers at the end of the post.

Are You Kidding Me?

These girls wouldn’t be caught dead using a ‘Shopping Cart Protector’!

SHOPPING CART PROTECTORS: Gadzooks! What is going on? Is this the work of a paranoid mom? A germ freak? What marketing madness is this? For those who think their beloved offspring are in danger of contracting viruses or pissed-off cow disease or the next pandemic they can buy next placebo: the Shopping Cart Protector. The other day I was taking my three girls into a supermarket when I spied this mother using one of these contraptions(Would a guy ever use a SCP?…the weak-ass metrosexual). I mean, c’mon! (See Penn & Teller’s Bullsh*t: Safety Hysteria for a bigger picture) People are trading hard-won cash for ‘False Sense of Security’. Baby will be that much safer, yeah, like babies are dropping off like burnt flies after choking on anthrax spores contracted at Safeway. Geez, folks, just put your kid in a  Skinner’s Box. Look at the pictures. Who’s got the funner parent, baby on the left, or the girls on the right? Furthermore, guess who makes the infernal gadget? It’s called a Disney Baby Dine & Shop Deluxe. (See This Post for more on the evils of Disney)

Kaya the Refrigerator Baby

Aunt Tracy Displaying her Hair Certificate From Northwest Hair Academy (On piano is a picture of my wife & I on our wedding day)

DON’T KIDS JUST SAY THE CUTEST DAMNED THINGS? Ava was watering plants the other day with mom, and she said, “Look mom, I’m spraying these plants so they will become beautiful!” Cute cute cute cute cute.

WOOL SOCKS & BELT WEENIES: I am no fashion maven. Frequently, my wife informs me that my shirts have stains, that my sweats don’t mesh with a collared shirt, or that I’m sporting a belt weenie (when the belt doesn’t loop and hangs in front of the crotch). Yet when it comes to wool socks and sandals, screw the fashion polizia! Wool socks and sandals are the bomb. Comfy, never too hot or too cool, no chafing, and since everyone in my family thinks I’m just a clueless dork who doesn’t realize wool socks are a no-no…I offer this: I know I’m a clueless dork, I just don’t care. Beware the Summer of the Wool Sock!

HOMAGE OR RIDICULE? There are people in my family who think, rather than paying tribute to my sister-in-law Tracy, that I am actually mocking her progess as a hairologist. Not so. I got her back, and nobody’s more proud than I. Tracy, you made it baby!

THE ARTIST REVEALED: Who painted the masterpieces? Where do they hang? On me as I paint a house, that’s where. The first is ‘Memory of a Persistent T-Shirt’, Masterpiece number two is known as ‘Portrait of T-Shirt in Repose’. Now that’s what I call art! Are you listening Warhol? Do you hear me Rothko? How can you guys be the man when I’m the man? ‘Nuff said.

Photo of the Month: Sacred Site in India

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Filed under Art, Cute, Disney, Fashion, Sexism, Sexist Stay-at-home Father, Tracy