MO! YOU BE MEAN! Every parent has their “goofy-things-kids-say” story, hear one you’ve heard ’em all. Nevertheless, for conformity’s sake, here’s mine. Our little Kaya had problems with certain vowels. For the longest time she couldn’t say the letter “N.” Instead she would say “M.” Thus “no” became “mo.” We’d tell her it was time for bed and she’d run crying, “Mo! Mo! Mo!” How effin’ cute is that? Kaya’s sisters started picking it up, and even Mom & Dad started saying, “Mo!” These days, though, Kaya no longer has this problem. She also has added vocabulary. Her mantra now is, “No! You be mean!”
Do You Know How Miserable I Can Make You? Is my wife, Terry, the only wife who, whenever she wants to persuade me to shop or do some other unpleasant task, unholsters and fires the quasi-rhetorical, “Do you know how miserable I can make you?” Is this the right way to be persuasive? Lately I’ve become a little defensive. When staring down the barrel of this query, I batten the hatches and fire back, “Yes, I do…unfortunately. Why not ask me how happy you can make me?” Touche! Fortunately, we both appreciate the importance of repricocity, and have the prerequisite sense of humor.
Custard vs. Crème Anglaise : My wife is a foodie. Or a food snob. I suggested I’d make custard for the kids, and my wife came back with this, “I don’t like custard, it’s crème anglaise or nothing.” What? That’s like not drinking coke unless it’s served in a champagne glass.
Terry the Gender Neutral Doll: I don’t know what it is with my wife’s family, but they all have bisexual or asexual names, or as my wife likes to say, “Gender neutral.” Her name is Terry Lee, her sister is Tracy Lynn, and her mom goes by Jan. The other evening my wife and I are in bed watching 30 Rock, and Liz Lemon made a quip about: “Terry, the gender neutral doll.” One day some angry mom will decide to name her daughter Tommy or Johnny or Billy…little by little there will be societal confusion, boys and girls won’t know what’s going on, and then eventually the name stays with the girls. There are still guys addled with the name Courtney, and who can forget UW footballer Hilary Butler? You think there’ll be male Courtneys or Hilarys in the future? This generation Terry is gender neutral…but soon only girls will have the name.
The $3 Mafia Lunchroom Bill: What is it with Seattle Public Schools? We put in money in a school cafeteria account so our daughters can buy milk for lunch. Inevitably, we get this left on our phone: “This is a message from Seattle Public Schools. Our records show that your daughter, Gia Powell, is delinquent 50 cents. It is very important that you settle this account as soon as possible.” Are they the mob? I let the bill go up to $3 before I paid, my way of sticking it to ’em. I would have let it go further, but the daily calls really started to annoy my wife.
VIDEO of the MONTH: The girls make snowmen!