Can Women Enjoy the “Bingo” Superbowl?

Are These Ladies Miserable?

Three bottles of wine...

Tracy & Terry/Beer vs. Wine: Would a man open a beer, find it unpalatable, dump out half, and open another? Not if he’s a man. A man knows how to commit to a beer. But when it comes to women and wine…whole different tale. They can open a $10+ bottle, sip, crinkle nose, and open another. The other day Tracy came over to dine with Terry and me, and at the end of the night the score was as follows:

Shirley Temples

Man: Three cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Estimated cost – $3

Two women: Three bottles of wine, two unfinished. Estimated cost – $35

Birthday Cake!

Paternity Test Breast Fest: Evidently, the wine got into the ladies, because they started talking about paternity and so forth, and there I was, a husband-on-the-wall, listening in. All kidding aside, my wife assured me that I was, indeed, the father of my daughters, and then she reflected: “But how do I know I’m really the mother?”

Halftime Show!

Game Time!

Most Girls Don’t Dig the Superbowl: Last year the family watched the Superbowl at Sanjay and Tracy’s house. As could be expected, the men watched the game while the women drank wine and chatted in the kitchen. Exactly how it should be. You’d think we had a great time, right?

Women "watching" the Superbowl

Wrong: Not according to my wife. This year, on the night Tracy and Terry wasted wine, Tracy told me that they were going to have a “Bingo” bet on the Superbowl. I’m not sure what this type of wager’s really called, and I don’t care, but the gist is people pick numbers and if the score at the end of the quarter or game ends on the last digits, you win. Basically, you hope for random chance. The idea was this would interest the women. I told them, “No thanks.” Tracy thought I was a traitor. Terry said, “We’re doing this because last year you guys didn’t pay attention to us and just watched the game. We ladies had a miserable time.” (See previous post about “HyTERRbolY“) So this year everyone put money into “Bingo” Superbowl except me. Rather than get the girls interested it just made for annoying interruptions about, “Let’s see, first quarter score is 9-0, let’s see who has a 9 and…blah bore-biddy blah…” As you can see from the photo above, even with the excitement of “Bingo” Superbowl, the girls didn’t give two poops about the game.

The Chuckles: Father and Son

Pops and the Patriots

Why Not? Sanjay, as mentioned in a previous blog (Who’s Funnier? Sanjay or Christopher Hitchens?…or Women?), is funny, and after meeting his father, Chetan Chopra, I discovered “why.” We’re sitting down to watch the Superbowl and I ask Uncle-in-law Chetan, “So, who’s your team?” He says, “New England.” I say, “Why?” He says, “Many wars have been started because of people asking why.” Huh? Sanjay’s humor, obviously, has been finely honed as a result of growing up amidst non-sequitors.

Lil' Deng Xiaoping 小鄧小平

Asperger’s:  Ever since reading Greg Olear’s Fathermucker, a book about a stay-at-home father whose son has Asperger’s, my wife seems to think she has figured out what’s wrong with me. She says, “Check it out, it says Asperger’s syndrome means you have difficulty focusing and paying attention. That’s you!” I said, “Can’t be. I have empathy.” She said, “Well, perhaps you have partial Asperger’s, otherwise known as Pain-in-the-Assperger’s.”

Ava Turns Seven! Benihana (红花)


Filed under Christopher Hitchens, Fathermucker

7 responses to “Can Women Enjoy the “Bingo” Superbowl?

  1. Hey, I’m going to suggest to my wife that she follow your blog. Might help her understand a few things about men.

    Plus, I could never get away with it myself.

  2. Adrienne

    Pain in the Asspergers…LOL..Terry is hilarious! I am certain my husband has this too.

  3. Joe – Very cool. I’m not really getting away with it, either, but I’m trying.

    Layne & Adrienne, Thx for dropping by.

  4. Hey, pain-in-the-assberger’s. I had to laugh outloud. did she really say that? I probably would have joined them in the kitchen with the wine and checked in on the game. Scott

  5. Hmm, Scott, you’d give a glance to the Superbowl as you hung out with the women and talked about…family, shopping, and cooking?…and trust me, that’s what dominates their conversation. You’re entering hermaphrodite territory, my friend.

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