The Whale Joke: I am the master of horrible jokes. I’ll throw anything out there to see the reaction, and sometimes the greatest hoots come after a flat vapid joke, ala “so bad it’s good.” And of all the bad jokes I’ve told, I’ve gotten the most mileage out of the Whale Joke. First time I heard it, I cracked up, and since that day I’ve been telling it repeatedly to any victim I can find. I told it to my future wife (boy, if there’s a joke she just loves), and when she invited me to dinner to meet her mother and stepfather, I told it again. And it’s devolved in a morass of repetition ever since.
The Edmonds Orcas: Edmonds Elementary School takes the nickname “Orca.” Whale serendipity, if you ask me. Edmonds Elementary recently had a science fare and I took the girls to the school on a Friday night with my man Marc Lui and his daughter. We went from exhibit to exhibit, and guess what? They had a whale station with lovable grunts and squeaks and groans coming from our baleen friends. On cue, I step in and say, “Wanna hear a whale joke?” The presenter smiled as if she had a choice, and I launched into the delivery as soon as I surveyed the environs to ensure children were not present.
Two Whales Walk into a Bar: First whale says “Aruuuuuuuuh…Ooooweeweewee…waguh waguh AroooAruuuWaweee….AooooWeeeRooooaauugh…”
(Whale noises for at least a minute, and a minute’s a damn long time if you’re making whale noises. Try it.)
The presenter, a fine young lady, contained her urge to tell me to shut up, and after I tortured her sufficiently I got to the punchline.
Second Whale says, “What the *&#$ are you talking about?”
And that’s it. Marc had to leave the room because, in his words, he was laughing so much that snot was coming out of his nose. As to the presenter of the Whale Sounds station, her straight face and quizzical expression sufficed to convey “thumbs down.” At least she’s only heard it once.