Monthly Archives: September 2016

My Wife’s In-laws Are Nuts: Not only that, my wife is best friends with her sister-in-law, Sarah, and thus we’re always spending time at their house on Whidbey Island. This has turned into a continual source of friction and “marital bliss-ters.”

My Wife’s Sister-in-Law:  You ever watch Harold and Maude? You know the mother, oblivious to her son’s disinterest and obsession with death. That’s Sarah. Except her son is obsessed-with-music and Sarah continually tries to get him into sports, outdoors, and the like. And she’s the “normal” one of my wife’s in-laws.

My Wife’s Mother-in-Law:  This woman is eccentric multiplied. We call her Nai-nai, Chinese for Grandma, because she studied Chinese in university and lived in Taiwan. She hasn’t been in Asia for almost 30 years, but that doesn’t stop her from speaking Chinese to anyone who looks Asian. If we eat Japanese, Korean, or Thai, Nai-nai addresses the wait staff in Chinese and even after the waitperson says, “What are you saying? I don’t understand.”  Nai-nai will keep talking Chinese.

My Wife’s Father-in-Law:  We call him Ye-ye. Ye-ye thinks George Bush was a spineless liberal, so you can imagine what he thinks of Hillary. To describe him, I’ll use the euphemism “set in his ways.” My wife, Sarah, and he were discussing public schools and he said, “Public schools are horrible because they push the ‘Homo Agenda.’” Ye-ye is convinced that Hillary and Democrat “moral degeneracy” are the biggest threats facing America.

My Wife’s Other Sister-in-Law:  Sarah’s younger sister, Min Pongklub (and husband Somjait), lives in Hawaii. Their three kids parallel our children’s ages, so the six cousins have a ball. The Pongklubs home school, don’t receive vaccinations, and they think the U.S. knew about 9/11. (I accused them of agreeing on everything, they promptly pointed out they differed on what sort of plant seed to use on their lawn.)

A few years ago they were vegan. Our kids told us, “Min’s kids say that moms that give their children meat don’t love their children.”

The Pongklubs are back to eating meat (grass fed, of course), but they’re now gluten free.

This summer, after the Pongklubs took the kids out, our children told us, “They think Clinton is worse than Trump. They call her Killary.” I asked them about this. Yup. Mr. and Mrs. Pongklub are certain Hillary is a murderer. Somjait, later, during a polite conversation, went Godwin’s Law on me and said new proposed firearm regulations in Hawaii treat gun owners the same way “they treated Jews in 1930s Germany.”

At least they’re voting Libertarian and not Trump. (Wife w/in-laws Sarah & Min here)

Ye-ye meets a gay baker:  All’s not lost with the in-laws. Sarah took Ye-ye and Nai-nai to the Coupeville landmark, the Knead and Feed, for breakfast. Nai-nai once painted a portrait of then son of the owner, Doug Kroon, wearing a chef’s outfit with a thought bubble of a loaf of bread. The painting still hangs in the bakery/café. Doug now runs the restaurant, recognized and greeted Nai-nai, and said, “This is my husband, we just got married.” Nai-nai gave both men a hug. Ye-ye even shook hands and kept his views to himself.

Good news:  Well, for all that, my wife’s sister-in-law is generous and kind. She sent me to Guns ‘n’Roses with my nephew. Next? She bought my wife and I tickets to see David Sedaris at Beniroya Hall in November. And our kids get along great with my wife’s in-laws kids. Guess it’s not such a bad thing having a wife whose in-laws are nuts.