Category Archives: baseball

Miss Manthropist! – Photos of Whidbey & Summer Fun

On the deck, Ava, Tracy, Stig, Terry, Gia, Kaya, Sarah, Elliot, Sanjay

Boating on Penn Cove w/girls & Nephew Nikolai

Boring photo explanations:  Allow a brief expanation of the photos. Above, we celebrate the arrival of my sister and bro-in-law. Notice our neighbor’s deck has rails, ours doesn’t, grrrr….another story. The rest of the pictures are of taking the girls to Whidbey Island, Penn Cove, Chinese camp, Ft. Casey & Ft. Ebey, swim camp, and dad shoots himself and a deer. And now, onto this late summer post, replete with the obligatory sexist and dry humor.

The Unnecessary Phone Call:  What is it with women and unnecessary phone calls? One night we called in pizza, and I went to the joint for pick up. As I’m driving home, the phone rings, and it’s Tracy. Conversation:

The girls on first day of camp at 华盛顿国际学校

Tracy:  Hi, where are you?

Caleb:  I’m driving home.

Tracy:  What’s taking so long?

Caleb:  You called to ask me that?

Tracy:  Terry, Sarah, and I are staaaaaarving.

Caleb:  I’m driving. Didn’t you get a ticket for talking on the cell phone? We need a new rule, no more unnecessary calls. See you soon. Bye.

Time for Art!

The girls were lucky I didn’t pull over and eat a few pieces. No matter how impatient anyone gets, the pizza has no chance of arriving earlier as the result of a “where’s-the-pizza” phone call. And, while I’m on topic, my wife will call me mid-drive with three kids in the backseat going bananas, for what? For reminders, for “what are we having for dinner” or “confirmations of weekend plans.” I’ll see you soon, honey! There are men who also call just to “check in” and “chat,” but this bad habit seems to be primarily a female function. I get chatting with an old friend, but not with someone you’re going to see in forty mintues. It’s a busy life, that’s how it is, and when that phone rings there better be something important to talk about.

At Ft. Ebey w/Uncle Sanjay

Mr. Ogyny & Miss Manthropist: In the early days of this blog, I accused my wife and sis-in-law of having a “breastfest.” They said I was a misogynist. I said, “That’s Mr. Ogynist to you.” But women? I guess a woman who hates other women would be guilty of Miss Ogyny. Ha ha ho ho. Misanthropy is hatred of all humanity, but what about a female manhater? The neologism? Mismanthropist.

At Ft. Casey

The Perfect Helix:  On August 15th Mariner Felix Hernandez pitched the first perfect game in Seattle Mariners history. I told my wife, who could have cared less. Despite her being an All-Star first baseman in softball and somewhat athletic in her high school days, she didn’t know what a perfect game was, and didn’t care that Felix threw only the 23rd perfect game in MLB history. Her reply, “Big deal, I don’t even know who Helix Fernandez is.”

Coming back from Ft. Casey the girls shout “Deer!”

“Car-pay dumb” joke not successful: I’m like the Stephen Hawking of humor, there are only three other people in the world that think I’m funny, unfortunately, I don’t know any of these three. So, in the top photo, I’m sitting there with my family, Sarah, Stig, Sanjay, Terry, & kids, and they started talking about my last blog, and I asked if anyone got the Car-Pay Dumb/Carpe Diem joke. Terry said, “It wasn’t funny.” Tracy said, “That’s the problem with your jokes, you have to think for thirty seconds and by the time you get it, it’s not funny.”

With Grandma! 奶奶爱花吉夏恺雅!

1-2 Many Beers: And, as the sun set on a beautiful evening, guys drank beers, and the girls, miss manthropist manhaters that they are, suggested the guys follow the “1-2 Many Beer” Rule.

Namely, you can have one beer, and a second, but any more is “one too many.”

 

Swim Lessons!

TP Compatability:  My wife and I don’t agree on much, but one thing we do see eye-to-eye on is toilet paper placement. Thanks to fellow Coupeville alumi Todd Peddlar for posting the following diagram on Facebook. And, for just mind-boggling eerie, Todd, my wife, and the tissue all go by TP.

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Father’s Day, Pregnant Woman Haiku, Blonde Math, and the Dr. Garius Larsonkovitch Experiment

Father’s Day

Father’s Day:  Last year was the first year I did not attend a baseball game, due to my boycott of the Mariners. (I explain at The Nervous Breakdown.) This year, though, the boycott ended when the girls took me to the Mariners for Father’s Day. Brother-in-law Sanjay came, and we took our dads, my two oldest daughters, and Sanjay’s son.

My Dad, Gia, Ava, Dad Chopra, Son Chopra

Pregnant Woman Haiku: Before departing, sis-in-law Tracy had a meltdown over misplacing a small bit of mooola. Tears aflowing Sanjay a-consoling.

Tracy, four months pregnant, has an excuse for emotional outbursts. Nevertheless, as we drove to the game us men had a discussion about bees, birds, childbirth, plumbing, menstruation (Be thankful I don’t go into another “Why isn’t it called womenstruation?” shtick); these conversations have happened millions of times, no need to go over the details. Then Sanjay’s father, Chetan Chopra, had a serendipitous epiphany, and off the top of his head, he let out a haiku:

Father & Daughters

The set up of man

It’s a scientific fact

Is very simple.”Haiku, Chetan Chopra

Birthday sundaes. Gia turns six!

Blonde Math: As with “womenstruation”, I’m a guy who beats jokes deep into the ground, so the other day I told Tracy that four out of three blondes are bad at statistics, and she says what’s a bad-ats? Conversation following:

Caleb:  Hey Tracy, did you know that four out of three blondes are bad at statistics?

Marshmallows!

Tracy:  What’s a “bad-ats?”

Caleb:  I said, four out of three blondes are bad at statistics.

Tracy:  They’re bad at sticks?

Caleb:  Bad…at…statistics.

Tracy:  Oh, I don’t get it.

Caleb:  You have only three blondes, but four of them are bad at statistics.

Tracy:  Hmm, I thought you said three out of four. Terry, come and save me, Caleb’s bugging me with his lame jokes!

Rock!

The Dr. Garius Larsonkovitch Experiment:  I’m no admirer of the Skinner Box, but when it comes to instructing our girls to face fears, my method replicates famed Easter European Clinical Psychologist Dr. Garius Larsonkovitch.  I take inspiration from his controversial treatment of fear of heights, spiders, the dark, and closed places by placement of Patient A in a small, spider-filled dark box dangled from a cliff. This is how I taught Kaya to become acclimated in water. No waiting or gently easing in, I just took the little girl and dunked her.

Last Day at Sacajawea Elementary!

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The T-Ball Experience

Gia on Second Base

ABOVE: Me with doofy “Bon Jovi” hair doing Walk This Way, January, 1990. 28 seconds.

BELOW: Me in Zimbabwe, with beard, bungeeing off the bridge at Victoria Falls, January, 1998. 1 min. 26 seconds.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! To my wife, mother, sisters, sisters-in-law, and all the mothers out there.

And now…a few photos of Ava and Kaya playing for their T-Ball team, the Catfish.

Easter Egging with Elliot

Though I am the baseball enthusiast, my wife gets credit for signing the girls up for T-Ball. I thought the idea ridiculous, and said it would be better to wait a few years. My reasoning: the girls are cute, but they have no idea about baseball, nor interest. This has been confirmed after the first few games. Despite hours of playing catch they have yet to actually catch a ball mid-air (by chance, a ball once wedged in Ava’s glove, but that doesn’t really count). The concept has yet to sink in, and at home they have to be coerced to throw the ball around, or hit off a tee, namely “hit the tee.” However, to Ava & Gia, T-ball is not baseball so much but playing with friends and running airound, and that…they seem to love. T-ball may only be mock baseball, but for the girls it’s a good first step toward figuring out the national pasttime.

Ava Behind the Plate

Little Catfish

 

Teamwork!

 

 

 

This shot demonstrates Ava's batting skills. Pops takes a picture from the right.

 

Angels in the infield

 

 
 

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The Sexist Father vs. the KJR Sports Dorks

(Enjoy the above eighteen seconds of Kaya dancing like a maniac, and, for a special treat, a diva-like voice singing at the end!)

Back when I took my daughters to Mariners games...

...this year we will watch the Everett AquaSox

THE SEXIST FATHER vs. THE KJR DORKS: It’s a sad day in Seattle. Forbes magazine has voted our town the most miserable sports city (article) in the country. I can’t disagree. Yet this goes beyond our teams. Seattle sports stations reflect this, and chief culprit is KJR, who’s claim to fame is not a sophisticated take on sports, but rather their (Bigger) Dance. I posted at The Nervous Breakdown about these bozos, and followed it up after a back-and-forth with KJR’s Mike “Manboobs” Gastineau (The Josh Lueke “Rape,” the Moral Placebo, and the Sad Seattle Sports Scene). 

Grandpa brings over piggy bank money.

Worse, though, the Seattle Mariners boast a roster with a convicted felon (related to sexual assault), and he’s not the only bad seed. There’s no joy in Seattle, so I’ve turned off the Mariners…I hear the Everett AquaSox have a great deal for families.

CONGRATS TO DANNY & MELISSA! My wife’s younger brother, Danny, and his wife, Melissa, gave birth on April 9 to Gemma. Ava & Gia now have a cousin, when they asked how old the baby was, though, they didn’t quite understand one day old. Us: “She’s newborn.” Girls: “Yeah, but how many years old is she?” Us: “No years, it’s minutes, days.” They: “How many years is that?”

SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE TO PISS OFF THE CHINESE: 艾未未(爱未来)万岁!加油艾未未! Mao Zedong is a rotten egg: 毛泽东是坏蛋. 爱未来又酷又棒!

No!

Much better!

WINE FAUX PAS: My wife, after a long day, requested a glass of wine. I grabbed a bottle of red, grabbed a glass with a stem, and poured. Big mistake, when I gave her the glass she said, “Not this glass.” I said, “Duh!” She pointed to the correct glass, without the stem. I said, “Really?” She said, “The essence of the crystal makes the wine taste better!” Word for word, that’s what she said. Well, now I know!

I dug up a song from a group I discovered when I lived in Korea. They sound like Rage Against the Machine, despite the doofy video.  Here’s the Korean Song of the month:

墜落天使

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