Category Archives: Chuck

Existential Cow

Free from the moral complexities of dietary choice, these girls are enjoying their cereal and milk. At least for now.

Ava & Gia at a farm near Lake Chelan. Message to the cows: Life could be worse…much worse.

EXISTENTIAL COW: My wife wants cow friendly organic milk and cream. Fine, I can live with this. Still, I’m skeptical about how grateful the cow will be for our concern and attempts at  relieving bovine misery. If you believe in the Buddhist aphorism that ‘All life is suffering’, then it is tough to imagine the cow’s happiness depends on being milked the correct way. The existential cow probably has figured this out. Yes, cows suffer, they are fenced in with nothing to do but ‘moo’. Maybe we should just free the cows. (For the cow curious, check out this article in Time magazine: Save the Planet: Eat More Beef)

These cows have broken the chains of their oppressors. They are free. Think their problems are over? They are now wandering vagrants, unwanted, hungry, and up to no good. Yes, they will no longer be cruelly milked by heartless capitalist farmers, but are they happier?


See the guy on the left? That’s Vince “It’s not French if there’s no ketchup!” Nattress. An ex-member of PETA, Vince awoke after watching this: Penn & Teller’s Bullsh*t. Balancing the wellbeing of the cow with an exquisite love of food, he earned a degree in Culinary Art from Fairhaven University, studied in kitchens in Avignon, France and the Napa Valley. He even waxes eloquence in this essay about POOP (also cow friendly). He is the Goliath. Who’s David? None other than….

Headshot  VS. 

Chuck Tessaro.  Otherwise known as Facebook Chuck. Chuck grew up on corndogs, curly fries, and processed Kraft cheese slices, so how did he develop a palate? And a fine palate at that. He now recognizes and creates scintillating flavor profiles and hangs out (above right) with celebrity chef Tom Douglas. (Chuck, why are you eating a pickle?) Tune in to see how these two former small-town Coupeville residents fare head-to-head on the big stage.

Ava's ready for school!

CLUELESS FATHER TAKES DAUGHTER TO SCHOOL, FORGETS TO MAKE SURE DAUGHTER IS WEARING PANTS: A father went to pre-school with his daughter adorned in shirt and tights sans pants. The concerned pre-school teacher asked, “Where’s your daughter’s pants?” Father had to make a second trip to get pants. What a bad father. (Sorry, Ava, I will check next time.)

LESBIAN DOUBLE STANDARD: This week we had in-laws over for dinner. Inspired by Chuck we made our own pizzas, including a goat cheese, roasted butternut squash, arugula, olive oil pie…yum! yum! Anyway, over dinner conversation my wife was telling Grandma & Grandpa about how we got a free subscription to Showtime, and that we’re recording ‘The L Word‘, a drama about lesbians. My wife observed: “How come we hear about women who are sick of men and start dating other women? But we never hear a man say, ‘I’m sick of women! I think I’ll start dating men!'”

PHOTO of the WEEK: Geiranger, Norway

fiord norway


Filed under Chef Vince, Chuck, Lesbian Frog, Organic, Penn & Teller

Pink! The New Evil!


Should parents worry about pink? Look at my daughter Ava. Cute? She may seem so, harmlessly sipping a cola...but don't be fooled. She's actually guzzling my wife's rum and coke. Consider the color of her shirt. Is there a correlation?

What could be cuter than a baby playing in the sand? Yet the adorable just disappears with that spine chilling pink outfit. Yes, my little Kaya looks playful, but she's smiling because she just killed a seagull, ate its entrails, and then buried it in the sand. Is pink involved?

IS THE COLOR PINK EVIL? What is it with girls and pink? According to the BBC, pink is the cause of ‘Princess Disease’: BBC Reports That Pink Princess Thing Does Not Change Girls’ DNA. My daughters love pink, they are doomed.

MY WIFE GOES TO A BASKETBALL GAME: My wife, while on a business trip, went to an NBA game in Denver. She called me from the Pepsi Center, yeah, that’s where they play…and I asked her if she even knew any of the players. She responded, “I’m pretty sure one of the guys is named ‘Nugget’.”

Yeah, but she's still wearing pink.

WHO’S CUTE? Now that the girls go to pre-school I frequent bookstores and cafés,  or I shop (for food, not at the mall; there is nothing more evil than mall shopping…except maybe the color pink) with ten-month-old Kaya. Often I hear someone exclaim, “Oh, how cute!” And I always say, “Why thank you. Check out my baby. She’s pretty cute, too.”

CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE: The only time my wife has thought of killing herself was in the early days of our dating. We traveled some (Hong Kong, Taiwan, Thailand, Laos, Mexico). After a few nights in cockroach hostels I tried to talk my wife into one more, and she almost had tears in her eyes. We found a nicer place.

Gia, still suffering the effects of Disneyland in her Snow White costume, but at least it's not pink.

The only time I’ve ever contemplated suicide is after two straight days at Disneyland.

CHUCK TESSAROooooooo…is cooking! Over on Facebook…Bay infused butternut squash lasagna in oven for Thursday night dinner. Simple frisee & watercress salad w/blue cheez, champ vinaigrette.

THE NEW FREUDIAN SLIP: My wife has given new meaning to the Freudian slip. In our house a Freudian slip is whenever she accidentally pushes, punches, or kicks me in the balls. Example: the other night she reached over my side of the bed to grab the remote and I woke to her using my crotch as a fulcrum. “Ooooof!” I shouted. “Sorry,” she said, “I slipped.” Yeah, slipped my ass.

And for something different – The Tiger’s Nest – Paro Taktsang Monastery, Bhutan


Filed under Chuck, Disney, Pink, Pink is Evil