Category Archives: Cute

Kaya Is Very Cuut!

Kaya’s First Dentist Appointment

Kaya with Maggie & Turkeys & Vince (The Head Fowl)

Kaya is very C-U-U-T: The other day Ava gave me a piece of paper, and my head did a thla-bump. I said, “Ava, who told you to write that word?” And she says, “What?” And I say, “Read this note out loud.” She reads, “Kaya is very cute!” Thing is, the second ‘U’ looked exactly like an ‘N.’ No use explaining to her, but I did have her work on her U’s.

Toenail – 1, Clipper – 0

Bad Ass Toenail: Terry thinks my toes and toenails are disgusting. No argument here, but I’d prefer to refer to my foot digits as “strong as iron.” Take a look at the photo on the right and you will see that they’re also tougher than most nailclippers. That’s a clipper blade on the table, not a nail. Click on photo and, depending on your stomach, you will be grossed out or impressed. Or both.

Grandpa & the Girls

Contradictions:  My wife Terry gets on me for my odd palate, she can’t understand my antipathy towards condiments, cruciferous vegetables, and salad dressing. Yet I’m consistent. However, Terry likes her roasted potatos peppered, and pretty much any style of potatos, from hash browns to mashed, with pepper, but if I pepper her fries she won’t eat them. And she likes coffee ice cream and coffee, but she finds the combination vile. She once accidentally took a taste of my coffee w/cream & sugar (the basic ingredients of coffee ice cream), had instant “vomit face,” and spit it out into the sink. So, I think, “Ah ha! Finally, here’s where I’m normal and Terry’s the oddball.

Uncled Sanjay on neighbor’s deck w/our deck in background

So at the next family gathering I’m stitting with bro-in-law Sanjay, sis-in-law Tracy, and mo-in-law Jan (Jan, I’m going to have to start calling you my “mo-in-law”), and I mention Terry’s eating habits. And guess what, all three of them pepper all their potatoes except french fries, and they all like coffee and coffee ice cream, but they don’t like sugar and cream in their coffee. It’s like a surreal scene from a Luis Buñuel movie. Geeeeez.

Headline of the week:  8-Year Old Gets “Catastrophe Award” for Most Homework Excuses. Headline says it all. A mom thinks “cruel” an award given to her daughter. I think it well deserved and funny. To this mom I say, “Get a life, rise to the superiority of your sex.”

Walking in the park.

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Filed under broccoli, Cute

The Art of Wool Socks, Belt Weenies, and T-Shirts

Ava, Gia, and Friends

Normally Notes of a Sexist Stay-at-home Father, or NOASSAHF (Pronounced No-ass-ah-F) grooves on the humor of parenting, sexism, and the nauseatingly cute. This post diverges toward fashion and art.

Masterpiece #1

Masterpiece #2

On the left and right are two stunning works. But who be the artist, man? Jackson Pollock? Or one of his imitators? (compare with the original JP on the sidebar) How much gravy do these works earn? In what famous galleries do they hang? How much are they worth now? Are they in a private collection? Answers at the end of the post.

Are You Kidding Me?

These girls wouldn’t be caught dead using a ‘Shopping Cart Protector’!

SHOPPING CART PROTECTORS: Gadzooks! What is going on? Is this the work of a paranoid mom? A germ freak? What marketing madness is this? For those who think their beloved offspring are in danger of contracting viruses or pissed-off cow disease or the next pandemic they can buy next placebo: the Shopping Cart Protector. The other day I was taking my three girls into a supermarket when I spied this mother using one of these contraptions(Would a guy ever use a SCP?…the weak-ass metrosexual). I mean, c’mon! (See Penn & Teller’s Bullsh*t: Safety Hysteria for a bigger picture) People are trading hard-won cash for ‘False Sense of Security’. Baby will be that much safer, yeah, like babies are dropping off like burnt flies after choking on anthrax spores contracted at Safeway. Geez, folks, just put your kid in a  Skinner’s Box. Look at the pictures. Who’s got the funner parent, baby on the left, or the girls on the right? Furthermore, guess who makes the infernal gadget? It’s called a Disney Baby Dine & Shop Deluxe. (See This Post for more on the evils of Disney)

Kaya the Refrigerator Baby

Aunt Tracy Displaying her Hair Certificate From Northwest Hair Academy (On piano is a picture of my wife & I on our wedding day)

DON’T KIDS JUST SAY THE CUTEST DAMNED THINGS? Ava was watering plants the other day with mom, and she said, “Look mom, I’m spraying these plants so they will become beautiful!” Cute cute cute cute cute.

WOOL SOCKS & BELT WEENIES: I am no fashion maven. Frequently, my wife informs me that my shirts have stains, that my sweats don’t mesh with a collared shirt, or that I’m sporting a belt weenie (when the belt doesn’t loop and hangs in front of the crotch). Yet when it comes to wool socks and sandals, screw the fashion polizia! Wool socks and sandals are the bomb. Comfy, never too hot or too cool, no chafing, and since everyone in my family thinks I’m just a clueless dork who doesn’t realize wool socks are a no-no…I offer this: I know I’m a clueless dork, I just don’t care. Beware the Summer of the Wool Sock!

HOMAGE OR RIDICULE? There are people in my family who think, rather than paying tribute to my sister-in-law Tracy, that I am actually mocking her progess as a hairologist. Not so. I got her back, and nobody’s more proud than I. Tracy, you made it baby!

THE ARTIST REVEALED: Who painted the masterpieces? Where do they hang? On me as I paint a house, that’s where. The first is ‘Memory of a Persistent T-Shirt’, Masterpiece number two is known as ‘Portrait of T-Shirt in Repose’. Now that’s what I call art! Are you listening Warhol? Do you hear me Rothko? How can you guys be the man when I’m the man? ‘Nuff said.

Photo of the Month: Sacred Site in India

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Filed under Art, Cute, Disney, Fashion, Sexism, Sexist Stay-at-home Father, Tracy

Cute Endangered Snow Leopards?

Endangered animals?

NO JOY AT WOODLAND PARK ZOO:  They are closing the Nocturnal Exhibit at Woodland Park Zoo due to budget difficulties. Sad. Ava & Gia love to look for bats and sloths and armadillos and lemurs. At least they have the new snow leopard exhibit. We’ve been there a couple times and have seen an amazing replica of the snow leopard habitat: boulders, trees, and tundra. Unfortunately,  no snow leopards (pardon the corny pun) have been spotted (with the exception of the two specimens in the above photo).

Tilt that car seat back, make sure Kaya's strapped in, and let her go! See how her legs are excitedly spinning in bliss. Cute cute cute.

Look closely at the grounded stroller. At the bottom right is a happily feeding baby. Is this unorthodox parenting method the work of a lazy father? Or just practical?

IS FATHER LAZY? I like to kill the proverbial ‘two birds with one stones’…or as my wife likes to say in corporate parlance, “Multi-task.”  Does this make me lazy?

OR REVOLUTIONARY? To bottle feed a baby takes ten minutes or more of precious time. I savor sitting down with Kaya, holding that adorable little bundle while giving her a bottle, but with two other active daughters often I have to improvise. I need more time for cooking, sweeping, vacuuming, wiping down counters, folding laundry and other necessary chores (oh, including writing a blog). Luckily, Kaya doesn’t mind being a guinea pig.

Gia wearing Dad's jacket? Or Dad's jacket wearing Gia?

Cute? Cute...

...my ass!

TOILET PAPER HELL: Some parents think babies playing with TP is adorable. Me? Are you kidding? Not after Ava and Gia wasted half a tree by making TP carpet and dropping countless rolls in the pot. Well, Kaya, I’ve learned from the past. It’s not going to happen again. …………………………………………………………………I’m watching you!

PHOTO of the WEEK: From the gallery of Indonesian photographer Rarindra Prakarsa.

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Filed under Cute, Sexist Stay-at-home Father, Stay-at-home Father, Toilet Paper, Woodland Park Zoo