Category Archives: Politically Incorrect

Pillow Wars and the Vajingo Monologues

Is Kaya hungry? Wet diaper? Does she want a nap? No. The reason for her misery comes from an unexpected source.

Far away from those vile pillows, Kaya's mood has changed considerably.

THE UNKNOWN WAR: Why is baby Kaya crying? Does it have anything to do with her proximity to those pillows? Are those pillows toxic? Do they smell? No! They’re elite pillows, and are at the center of one of the lesser known modern conflicts, the Pillow War.

Though my beloved wife is always right, after six plus years of marriage I am still not used to the so-called ‘Decorative Pillow’. What is that? It’s a pillow that is to be looked at and not used. Unbelievable? I thought so. Check this out…You place it at the head of the bed or on the sofa and the fancy little flowers must point to the ceiling and the cutesy little stems must point toward the floor. And at night you throw the pillows on the floor. I’m not joking.

My in-laws often tell me, ‘Would you rather be happy or right?’ Since I’m never right, I’ve decided to shoot for happiness, part of this is making a better than half-ass effort to lose pillow-tude and obey the pillow regulations. Also, I figured this was just a peculiar quirk of my wife, but then I found out she is not the only person in the world who thinks pillows have an intrinsic aesthetic value.  Most women (and even a few men…the wimpy metrosexuals!) ascribe to this sort of CHAOS (Cleanliness, Health, Appearance, Order, and Safety).

My lovely wife, cozy and fast asleep, secure in the fact the pillows are on the floor and far removed from my hairy sweaty body.

Girls! You are in BIG BIG trouble!

SEXISM IN CAKE’S LYRICS:  Is the hit ‘Short Skirt Long Jacket’ sexist? (See the Cake Video)  Or does it just point out a double standard that exists? Namely, that even a high-powered and successful woman has to deal with being a sex symbol. And just what would a feminist think?

KAYA SAVES 34 YEAR-OLD WOMAN:  And now a feel-good story. We received word from Swedish Hospital that the stem cells harvested from Kaya during her birth last spring (at the equinox, no less), will be used in a potentially life-saving procedure.

My wife with 3-month-old Kaya.

Aunt Tracy with Ava & her son Elliot

THE VAJINGO MONOLOGUES: Because I’m around women so often they forget I’m there. And thus I get to be the proverbial ‘fly on the wall’. My wife and sister-in-law freely talk, and one word that makes a common appearance is ‘vajingo’. Example, “I still can’t believe a baby ever came out of my vajingo.” (I stopped calling my penis ‘Bob’  after I graduated from high school…unfortunately, it was ten years after)

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

PHOTO of the WEEK: Scarlet Sky.

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Filed under Feminist Issues, Photo of the Week or Month, Politically Incorrect, Safety), Sexism, Sexist Stay-at-home Father

Hair Science

Master (or Mistress?) Hair Stylist Aunt Tracy and the girls

Tracy performing hair surgery

WHAT DID THE BRAIN SURGEON SAY TO THE ROCKET SCIENTIST? Answer:  You know, it doesn’t take a hair stylist to figure this out.

More Tracy

Ava and Gia recently were the subjects of an artistic study undertaken by Aunt Tracy, my wife’s younger sister. She wants to graduate as a hair stylist from the elite Northwest Hair Academy (this coming from a guy with no hair and no job). To reach the upper echelons of cosmetology she must master the aesthetics of dye, chemistry, color profiles, parrafin wax, and creative foil. Will she earn her PhD (Philosophy of Hair Development)? Can she enter the H.I.T. (Hair Institute of Technology)?

Tracy and the girls at the hallowed halls of hair

NEXT CORNY JOKE: Anyway, the other day I talked to my psychiatrist and became enraged because he told me I have an ‘anal-oral fixation’…So I told him to kiss my ass.

DANCING WITH A Wii: Against sanity my wife bought a Wii. Another time-wasting gadget. We hosted a party, and after the kids went to sleep we adults started dancing to M.C. Hammer’s ‘Can’t Touch This’ and Blondie’s ‘Heart of Glass’. Alright, it wasn’t hell, I’ll concede. But this brought up reminiscences of high school. For us guys (or myself), one brush against breast while slow dancing at a Junior High gala produced three weeks of bliss. Now, in my forties, one night of passion is forgotten the next day. Oh, to be young again! (Anyone remember how, during Hotel California, everyone on the dance floor didn’t know whether to slow or fast dance?)

Ava & Gia kneading pizza dough

LAST CORNY JOKE: I went back to the psychiatrist and told him about how I could not eat anything but spaghetti or fettuccine or ravioli because, as a kid, we always ate Italian food. It gave such fond memories that any other food left me wanting. He told me, ‘You have to stop living in the pasta.’

And with that, here’s the…

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Filed under Corny Jokes, Lesbian Frog, Politically Incorrect, Tracy

2010: Year of the Sexist Stay-at-home Father!

Welcome, and thanks to everyone who encouraged me after reading the essay Notes of a Sexist Stay-at-home Father, without you I wouldn’t be blogging. Of course, I must thank my wife and daughters (and sisters and sisters-in-law…), as the primary source of my inspiration. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Caleb Powell, I’m sexist, and I’m a stay-at-home parent. I will post weekly (hopefully) on all sorts of topics. Let’s get this blog started: 

THE SEVENTY SONGS OF CHRISTMAS: How many Christmas songs are there? Fifty? Seventy? Let’s say seventy. Sound like a lot? It’s not. Especially when you hear them nonstop during December. My wife is addicted, and she listens to Xmas songs 24/7, in the car, at night, in her study, and our daughters are addicted, grrrrrr!

Ava sleeping with 10 day-old Kaya

Celebrations in 2009:  My wife Terry and I celebrated our sixth anniversary. We saw the birth of our third daughter, Kaya, she is now nine months, and though they say they grow fast, it seems like she’s been a baby forever (savor the baby times!). Our other daughters Ava and Gia turned four and three. They have their own blog: Ava, Gia, & Kaya’s Page. My youngest sister Min (lives in Hawaii) also had a daughter, Satori (older brothers Orion and Damien, five and three), at the end of 2008, and Satori just celebrated her first birthday. Younger sister Sarah’s son Nikolai (they live in Saudi Arabia) turned nine.

Gia posing with 10 day-old Kaya

IS IT OKAY TO PEE IN THE POOL? We enjoyed Mexico, (for pictures click) San Miguel de Allende and Nuevo Vallarta. In Nuevo we met a lady who told her kid it’s okay to pee in the pool. I figured she was Canadian, and I was not far off, as she turned out to be from Minnesota.

Kaya our little pumpkin!

MY WACKY PARENTS: This Halloween my parents gave our daughters a book and signed it “Love from Uncle Dave and Aunt Trice” (They crossed this out, though, and wrote Grandpa & Grandma…the thing is, Sarah had sent the book from Saudi Arabia, but had forgot to sign. Anyway, you just got to know our parents). This is not unusual, as earlier in the year they gave my wife Terry a birthday card, and wrote inside: Our Dearest Tracy (Terry’s younger sister)…

FACEBOOK POSTERS: I finally set up a Facebook account. It has uses, and sucks time only if you let it. It’s a curious look at human nature, there’s Guy-who-photos-everything-he-cooks: “Caramelized Beets…yum yum!”, Party Girl: “Peace Muthaf**kaz! I chooze da bottle of Bacardi at the White Elephant!”, and so forth, I guess it’s fun…but I will not use Twitter. I swear.

CELEBRITY WIFE BEATERS: Not that this is good news: Charlie Sheen spends Christmas in jail, but hopefully my wife will stop watching Two and a Half Men. She Tivos and watches at four in the morning, meaning that the laugh track also wakes me. Laugh tracks are vile and despicable even when the jokes are funny, but when they are programmed to hoot and snort at egregious inanity they become evil. Turns out Sheen attacked a girlfriend in 1996 and went on probation. Go figure. My wife, who’s against all forms of domestic violence (although she would consider hitting me), wants to wait before we judge. Whatever. They found OJ innocent too.

NUTS: Nuts, anyone? Someone gave us a basket of nuts for Christmas. I realize I’m not being the most gracious here, but damn, that’s like giving us hard-shelled crab: lots of work, but without the exquisite seafood taste. In defense of nuts, though, the girls love ’em.

CHRISTMAS ETIQUETTE: According to my wife, as soon as Christmas ends, it is time to start taking down the trees and lights. Every year she reminds me how my parents once kept the tree up until February. Our block is not the most festive, and we have one particular neighbor who grates on my wife because they keep their Christmas lights dangling from their eaves year-round. And, extraordinarily, they did not turn them on this year, even though they had a window light display.

Xmas morn!

Xmas day

CHARITIES: Looking to give after the Christmas holiday? Go to Kiva. But what about the likes of corporate charities like Children’s International, where executives make over $300,000 a year? These charities are run like a business, with mass advertising campaigns, and college students getting paid minimum wage all over the U.S. to sell ‘feel-good’ on the streets. I was in the U. District a while ago and signed up for Children’s, then I did some digging and found out the egregiously high salaries beginning with the CEO James Cook (for a balanced discussion, the ‘James Cook’ link shows there are defenders of this practice, and they have valid points, but non-profit charities hire for-profit companies to canvas and promote, and these staffers may appear on chat boards anonymously), yet I wondered how much of the dollar went to help. I cancelled the donation and my wife and I gave to A Common Bond (helps families at Seattle’s Children’s Hospital whose infants have critical needs). Records are public, and so we can take a look at the legal business of charity where money trickles to the children. Am I cynical, you bet! Research your charity, advertisement is expensive, thus dig and find the ones with low budgets using word of mouth and Internet. Here are some leads: Camino Seguro/Safe Passage, Volunteer Vacations, and Legitimate Charities.

Anyway, Happy New Year and peace and joy for 2010!

新年快乐!

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Filed under A Common Bond, Caleb Powell, Celebrity Wife Beaters, Christmas, Facebook, Kiva, Politically Incorrect, Seattle Mariners, Sexist, Sexist Stay-at-home Father, Stay-at-home Father