Category Archives: Sexism

The Elected Sexist

Elliot, Gia, Ava & Kaya – Little Pumpkins!

Hanging with the girls

Election 2012! What a year. As if anyone out there isn’t fed up with election talk. Why the three plus week wait? Well, I had planned and prepared to post a few days after Nov. 6, but I’m the sort who sees a lot of pros in crastination. As usual, the same sexist rhetoric will filter, staying true to the idea that women are superior, and us men have a chip on our shoulder and are pissed.

Ten Years of Marriage:  My wife and I are going strong, and our next anniversary will be #10. But who can forget this headline – Entire Republican National Convention Stunned As Ann Romney Asks For Divorce?

At the zoo

Pot Legalized in Washington, Hostess Out of Business:  Washington state and Colorado became the first two states to legalize marijuana, coinciding with a Hostess brouhaha with the union. Just when Hostess sales would skyrocket with the increase of “stoners with munchies,” the union and company couldn’t come to terms and the junk food behemoth is heading out of business.

At Grandpa’s House

GAY MARRIAGE R-74:  And Washington doubled down by passing R-74 (see this article). My wife voted for it because: “I want homosexuals to be as miserable as me.” (Not the first time this joke has been used.)

Justified Sexism:  If anyone out there doubts whether women are superior, look no further than the FBI Top Ten List, it’s 100% Men. If the FBI had a Top Thousand List there might be ten or twenty women, max.

At Eva’s 4th Birthday

Joke of the Month – Pamela Anderson: Okay, despite female superiority, there are exceptions. Look no further than green enthusiast and PETA nut Pamela Anderson, who has riddled herself with synthetics to beautify. She’s what I’d call a botoxymoron…Ba-Boom! Thank you thank you thank you…

Mother & Daughter

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Filed under Feminist Issues, Sexism, Sexist, Sexist Stay-at-home Father

The Sexist Father vs. the KJR Sports Dorks

(Enjoy the above eighteen seconds of Kaya dancing like a maniac, and, for a special treat, a diva-like voice singing at the end!)

Back when I took my daughters to Mariners games...

...this year we will watch the Everett AquaSox

THE SEXIST FATHER vs. THE KJR DORKS: It’s a sad day in Seattle. Forbes magazine has voted our town the most miserable sports city (article) in the country. I can’t disagree. Yet this goes beyond our teams. Seattle sports stations reflect this, and chief culprit is KJR, who’s claim to fame is not a sophisticated take on sports, but rather their (Bigger) Dance. I posted at The Nervous Breakdown about these bozos, and followed it up after a back-and-forth with KJR’s Mike “Manboobs” Gastineau (The Josh Lueke “Rape,” the Moral Placebo, and the Sad Seattle Sports Scene). 

Grandpa brings over piggy bank money.

Worse, though, the Seattle Mariners boast a roster with a convicted felon (related to sexual assault), and he’s not the only bad seed. There’s no joy in Seattle, so I’ve turned off the Mariners…I hear the Everett AquaSox have a great deal for families.

CONGRATS TO DANNY & MELISSA! My wife’s younger brother, Danny, and his wife, Melissa, gave birth on April 9 to Gemma. Ava & Gia now have a cousin, when they asked how old the baby was, though, they didn’t quite understand one day old. Us: “She’s newborn.” Girls: “Yeah, but how many years old is she?” Us: “No years, it’s minutes, days.” They: “How many years is that?”

SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE TO PISS OFF THE CHINESE: 艾未未(爱未来)万岁!加油艾未未! Mao Zedong is a rotten egg: 毛泽东是坏蛋. 爱未来又酷又棒!

No!

Much better!

WINE FAUX PAS: My wife, after a long day, requested a glass of wine. I grabbed a bottle of red, grabbed a glass with a stem, and poured. Big mistake, when I gave her the glass she said, “Not this glass.” I said, “Duh!” She pointed to the correct glass, without the stem. I said, “Really?” She said, “The essence of the crystal makes the wine taste better!” Word for word, that’s what she said. Well, now I know!

I dug up a song from a group I discovered when I lived in Korea. They sound like Rage Against the Machine, despite the doofy video.  Here’s the Korean Song of the month:

墜落天使

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Filed under baseball, Chinoku, Sexism

100% of My Children Are Daughters!

Ava & Gia laughing at Kaya’s butt!

Ava’s cake with her name in Chinese (爱花) and English

74% OF WOMEN WRITERS  & READERS WANT MORE FEMALE BYLINES: According to VIDA: Women in Literary Arts, over 75% of the bylines at Harper’s are male. At the New Yorker, of 612 writers, over 70% (449) are male. The New York Times Book Review comes in with a whopping 80% male. What’s going on? (And shouldn’t it  be WILA, not VIDA?)

Ava & Gia’s art, the characters for mom & dad 妈妈 & 爸爸

Dig deeper, VIDA has a guest post by the unique Percival “I-don’t-give-a-damn-what-anyone-thinks-I-write-what-I-want” Everett (a man), implying Jonathan Franzen’s Freedom, were it written by a woman, would probably be considered “chick lit.” Instead, it’s getting mad attention. How can this be? Aren’t women more intelligent? Why are respectable magazines male dominated when women comprise the majority of readers? Could this have anything to do with the fact men are funnier? (See previous blog)

At WIS for the Chinese New Year.

99% OF THIS BLOG’S READERS ARE FRIENDS & FAMILY: Most of you  know I studied Chinese in Taiwan and that our daughters are learning Chinese. In December of 2007 Ava began with Chinese at WIS. In February she celebrated her sixth birthday. Congrats to Ava! (Photo above is 2010, Year of the Tiger, below is 2011, Year of the Rabbit)

CHARLIE SHEEN IS 100% A-HOLE: Need proof that men are the inferior gender? Look no further than Charlie “Dorkbag” Sheen. The bozo’s cerebral capacity lags even bovine brain power. My first Notes post (here) questioned the crappy Two and a Half Men and its A-hole star. Now Charlie “Phallus” Sheen (click here and here for the latest) has gone Mel Gibson.

MY WIFE MAKES ME FEEL 100% YOUNGER: I am a year older than my wife, however, my wife makes me feel younger every day…by starving my ego with cracks like “Act your age” and “Grow up.” Teenagers get more respect…ok, kidding aside, she’s not that bad, however, she does think I play the “struggling artist” card a little too much, and my attempts at “hip” and “cool” don’t mesh with my age. Fortunately, with my wife it’s the opposite, she continues to grow wiser as she looks ever the younger.

February Snow

Shopping…Aaaaaargh!!!!

100% OF FUNNY PIE CHARTS USING THE TERM “VAS DEFERENS” HAVE BEEN CREATED BY JIMMY CHEN:  Check out the Pie Chart of the month, courtesy of Jimmy Chen (male) at 0 Comments.

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Filed under Corny Jokes, Marriage, Politically Incorrect, Sexism, Sexist Stay-at-home Father, Women's Magazines

Who’s Funnier? Sanjay or Christopher Hitchens?…or Women?

Is the man in the middle funny?

Are These Women Funny?

“…women don’t need to be funny. Most men, if they can’t make women laugh, they’re out of the evolutionary contest.” – Christopher Hitchens (Video below)

GENDER WARS: Men and women have different funny bones. Women need to laugh, and men need to make women laugh. Do you think I married my wife because she’s a hoot? Let’s observe natural selection at work through the prism of my sis-in-law Tracy and her future groom, Sanjay. In most marriages, the woman laughs at and with the man, and the man makes her laugh. Look at Sanjay, look at Tracy, the eyes don’t lie, who would you put your money on if they both entered Last Comic Standing? (Exceptions that don’t disprove the rule: In my mother-in-law Jan’s marriage, Jan is probably funnier than Pops. Pops, though incredibly cool, wouldn’t go far doing standup. And my father, though I love him dearly, may be the most boring guy on earth. For that matter, most inanimate objects floating in outer space are funnier than my dad.)

TRA-C’s GETTING MARRIED, BUT IS SAN-J REALLY A MAN? This spring my sister-in-law, Tracy, will marry Sanjay. Here’s a little love story.

Who’s making who laugh?

Kaya ain’t funny, but she’s cute!

BLACK FRIDAY: San-J’s a big talker about his B-ball game. When he found out I like to hoop he was all, “Yeah, I love to hoop. Let’s hoop, man, anytime, man.” He invites me to meet and play with his homeys. Somehow, I start playing regularly with them, sans Sanjay. He always has a reason, his knee, or he’s sick, or he has to work…B.S. or not? Turns out he had to see a doctor about his knee. Finally, he’s A-OK, and tells me, “My knee’s good, next time I’m free I’m in!”

Wife & Kaya, notice how they’re not being funny.

Sanjay trying to be “cool”…he just looks funny.

Thanksgiving weekend rolls around, Friday he’s not working…and he tells me he’ll go play with my morning crew at the club (as long as he’s not hungover from the Thanksgiving bash). Thanksgiving at our house that evening, Tra-C & San-J crash, next morning at 7 a.m. my wife wakes me to inform that they’re going shopping…it’s Black Friday, the post-Thanksgiving “Shopper’s Holiday.” Go girls go! Cool…but, to my astonishment, Sanjay is also going! Obviously, he’s not hungover. I jolt upright, confront him in the hall, and say, “What the f**k! You’re going shopping with the ladies? What about ball?” He says, “(Mumble mumble mumble)” I say, “Shopping?” He says, “Yeah, I’m doing if for love.” Now, I know what you’re thinking, that I’m exaggerating, that a “man” really didn’t choose shopping over ball, but this is no fiction. What did I say? – “Sanjay, you are a hermaphrodite.” Sanjay’s humor, evidently, his only masculine trait. And love’s great, yeah yeah yeah, but we’ll see who’s shopping on Black Friday after five years of marriage.

My wife and daughters know how to laugh, they have to, I guess!

SANJAY “GUPTA DEEPAK” CHOPRA: Sanjay was at Safeway, he paid with credit, the checker looked at the ID, and said, “Hey, Sanjay Chopra, I’ve heard that name…that famous surgeon?” Sanjay said, “Nope, that’s Sanjay Gupta.” The checker said, “Then I must be thinking of that Buddha yoga writer.” Sanjay said, “Deepak Chopra.” Sanjay says, “Sh*t like this happens all the time.”

“SHOPPING IS HELL” – JUST A MAN’s OPINION? My wife, Tracy, and Jan went shopping for Tracy’s wedding dress. San-J and I stayed home, looked after the kids, and watched football (San-J’s one of those hermaphrodites that likes football). Hours later my wife called. “Aaaaaarghhhhh!” She cried, “We’ve been here for hours! Tracy keeps saying, ‘I have to try on one more dress!'” I thought, Ah ah!…It’s sort of nice, for once, that my wife sees what I have to endure.

HOT DUDE FUNNY WOMAN: So, one last salvo to the theme of this month’s blog, forgive the redundancy….when was the last time you saw a hunk hooked up with an ordinary woman because of her rip-snorting sense of humor? Men…we may be shallow, but we’re funny.

HITCHENS FAILS TO ADDRESS MONEY & PERSONALITY: A man’s wallet size can compensate for lack of humor. Also, to women’s credit, many are attracted to personality and intelligence. Personality + Intelligence = Funny man. Women may not be funnier, but they’re not as shallow. Check out the Hitchens video below, despite what my sister, Sarah, thinks…it’s funny!

Video of the month: Ava on the Sled!

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Filed under Appearance, Beer, Christopher Hitchens, Corny Jokes, Feminist Issues, Marriage, Sexism, Sexist Stay-at-home Father, shopping

Hell’s Belles & Hell’s Baseball Team

Groupies!

Ava & Gia just happy to be at the ballpark

WHO’S GOT THE BIGGEST BALLS? HELL’S BELLES or the MARINERS? The Powell family got wind that Hell’s Belles, the AC/DC cover band, would be at the West Seattle Street Fair. And with Aunt Tracy & San-J we went. Upon arrival, with the band cranking out “Sin City”, my wife seemed catatonically amazed. She turned to me and asked, “Did you know they were all girls?”

We ended up having quite a time. The next week we went to watch the Seattle Mariners baseball team. Once again, my wife turned to me and said, “Wow. I didn’t know they were all girls.”

Hell’s Belles 1 – Seattle Mariners 0

Now, if you are so PC to think calling a baseball team “female” derogatory, please keep in mind the spirit of this blog: Women are superior in everything except lifting heavy objects and a few other athletic and physical endeavors. No matter how well the UW softball team and Danielle Lawrie did this year, baseball is still a man’s game. That being said, it’s rather amazing that a bunch of girls managed to beat the Yankees that night on an out-of-character Jose (or Josie) Lopez grand slam. Felix Hernandez happened to be pitching, and the weather spectacular. That’s what I call a win-win!

The 2010 Seattle Mariners, 39-65 as of this post, are sparking the hopes of young girls everywhere that, maybe someday, they will get their chance to play in the major leagues.

The Mariners Win!

Dad & Kaya

At any rate, the Seattle summer has been stupendous, as always, and as for the baseball fan in Seattle, once again, it’s wait until next year.

Photo of the Week: Giant Skeleton Found in Saudi Arabia! (Also check out Water on Mars!)

giants2

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Filed under Politically Incorrect, Seattle Mariners, Sexism, Tracy

The Poo at the End of the Hair

Las tres amigas y su primo Elliot.

EMPTY SPACES: Our daughters, Ava and Gia, like to help dad find a parking space.  While circling outside a store, as I pass an open space in front of the entrance, Ava and Gia will start shouting, “There! There! Daddy, I see one!” They don’t understand the concept of handicap spots. I drive by and they get amazingly agitated, shouting, “Daddy, daddy…why didn’t you park there?” When I explain, they seem perplexed. They’ll learn.

PETTY AND FIBE: I recently discovered our neighbor’s name is Petty. Pronounced like “Patty”, but spelled “Petty”. She happens to be Taiwanese, and I have lived and taught English in Taiwan. I know English is a difficult language to learn, and phonetics are not that simple, but c’mon. Why call yourself a word that signifies “mean and trivial”? But that’s how it is with second language learners. Petty is not the only misnamed Taiwanese. In Taiwan I read role call in one of my classes, and saw a name listed as “Fibe”. So I rhymed it with “vibe”, and shouted the name. Silence. Then I spelled it on the board and asked who it was. The class pointed to the girl in question, and shouted, “That’s Phoebe.” So I crossed out her name, spelled correctly, and told her that her name should be this way. The little girl started bawling. Thus I let it be Fibe. Those nutty Taiwanese.

¡Feliz cumpleaños!

MORE FASHION COMMENTS: As clueless husband, my grooming is a target for my wife. I often receive darts like these: “Your clothes are beginning to walk on their own.” “You’re not wearing that shirt, it’s wearing you.” “The 1980’s are calling, they want their T-shirt back.” Since I’ve been married my wife has bought or chosen all my clothes, and so whenever I look presentable it’s due to her, but somehow I still ain’t doin’ it right.

COMMUNICATION & RHETORICAL QUESTIONS: My wife is one of those women who communicates with rhetorical questions and statements. Usually they are directed towards our daughters, or other people, but meant for me. For example, she’ll tell Ava and Gia (and sometimes baby Kaya), “Wow, what a mess, the living room sure needs vacuuming, Ava, do you think you can take care of it?” “Gia, will you please mow the lawn?” Then there’s the rhetorical questions directed my way: “Are these dishes dirty?” “Are you drinking a beer?” “Is tomorrow garbage?” Or the famous and all too common query that happens every time I’m sitting on the pot, “Caleb, are you taking a sh*t?” My response is always: “Are you asking a rhetorical question?”

POO BY A HAIR:  As much as I think poo stories are cliché for a parenting blog, my wife’s cousin Susy had some poop that scored high on the gross factor, and thus, what the heck, here goes. Evidently, when Aunt Susy’s daughter was in diapers she’d often eat hair, and somehow, in mid-change, the poo would cling by a proverbial thread. Susy would often fold up the diaper, and discover, as she pulled it away, that the poo would still be hanging on by a snake-like strand out of the ol’ behind, and she’d watch it out spaghetti out of the you know what. You get the drift.

GIA TURNS FOUR! Gia turned four in June. Happy Birthday Gia!

PHOTO of the MONTH: Summer Solstice at Stonehenge

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The Art of Wool Socks, Belt Weenies, and T-Shirts

Ava, Gia, and Friends

Normally Notes of a Sexist Stay-at-home Father, or NOASSAHF (Pronounced No-ass-ah-F) grooves on the humor of parenting, sexism, and the nauseatingly cute. This post diverges toward fashion and art.

Masterpiece #1

Masterpiece #2

On the left and right are two stunning works. But who be the artist, man? Jackson Pollock? Or one of his imitators? (compare with the original JP on the sidebar) How much gravy do these works earn? In what famous galleries do they hang? How much are they worth now? Are they in a private collection? Answers at the end of the post.

Are You Kidding Me?

These girls wouldn’t be caught dead using a ‘Shopping Cart Protector’!

SHOPPING CART PROTECTORS: Gadzooks! What is going on? Is this the work of a paranoid mom? A germ freak? What marketing madness is this? For those who think their beloved offspring are in danger of contracting viruses or pissed-off cow disease or the next pandemic they can buy next placebo: the Shopping Cart Protector. The other day I was taking my three girls into a supermarket when I spied this mother using one of these contraptions(Would a guy ever use a SCP?…the weak-ass metrosexual). I mean, c’mon! (See Penn & Teller’s Bullsh*t: Safety Hysteria for a bigger picture) People are trading hard-won cash for ‘False Sense of Security’. Baby will be that much safer, yeah, like babies are dropping off like burnt flies after choking on anthrax spores contracted at Safeway. Geez, folks, just put your kid in a  Skinner’s Box. Look at the pictures. Who’s got the funner parent, baby on the left, or the girls on the right? Furthermore, guess who makes the infernal gadget? It’s called a Disney Baby Dine & Shop Deluxe. (See This Post for more on the evils of Disney)

Kaya the Refrigerator Baby

Aunt Tracy Displaying her Hair Certificate From Northwest Hair Academy (On piano is a picture of my wife & I on our wedding day)

DON’T KIDS JUST SAY THE CUTEST DAMNED THINGS? Ava was watering plants the other day with mom, and she said, “Look mom, I’m spraying these plants so they will become beautiful!” Cute cute cute cute cute.

WOOL SOCKS & BELT WEENIES: I am no fashion maven. Frequently, my wife informs me that my shirts have stains, that my sweats don’t mesh with a collared shirt, or that I’m sporting a belt weenie (when the belt doesn’t loop and hangs in front of the crotch). Yet when it comes to wool socks and sandals, screw the fashion polizia! Wool socks and sandals are the bomb. Comfy, never too hot or too cool, no chafing, and since everyone in my family thinks I’m just a clueless dork who doesn’t realize wool socks are a no-no…I offer this: I know I’m a clueless dork, I just don’t care. Beware the Summer of the Wool Sock!

HOMAGE OR RIDICULE? There are people in my family who think, rather than paying tribute to my sister-in-law Tracy, that I am actually mocking her progess as a hairologist. Not so. I got her back, and nobody’s more proud than I. Tracy, you made it baby!

THE ARTIST REVEALED: Who painted the masterpieces? Where do they hang? On me as I paint a house, that’s where. The first is ‘Memory of a Persistent T-Shirt’, Masterpiece number two is known as ‘Portrait of T-Shirt in Repose’. Now that’s what I call art! Are you listening Warhol? Do you hear me Rothko? How can you guys be the man when I’m the man? ‘Nuff said.

Photo of the Month: Sacred Site in India

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Filed under Art, Cute, Disney, Fashion, Sexism, Sexist Stay-at-home Father, Tracy