Category Archives: Tracy

Vacationing with Neighbors

Las señoritas bonitas de Bahía de Banderas

Las señoritas bonitas de Bahía de Banderas

Just arrived!

Just arrived!

No kids!

No kids!

In Mexico, sis-in-law Tracy Perkins-Chopra said, “I hope you’re not going to just do an all photo blog.” Sorry, Tracy, but aside from this brief note acknowledging good times, Flora and Ava becoming “Flava,” and the bros watching the Seahawks crush Arizona, there’s not much to say this month but, “I’m lazy, enjoy the photos, and Happy Holidays to all!”

On the way to Boca

On the way to Boca

Chef Ava, Chef Jake, Chef Strange Kid, and Chef Gia

Chef Ava, Chef Jake, Chef Strange Kid, and Chef Gia

 

Boca de Tomatlan

Boca de Tomatlan

Returning from Boca

Returning from Boca

 

Waiting for kid drinks

Waiting for kid drinks

Kaya with "Flava"

Kaya with “Flava”

 

 

 

Seahawks vs. Arizona - Arizona Anu is happy because the game just started. Sorry, Anu, 19-3 final score.

Seahawks vs. Arizona – Arizona Anu is happy because the game just started. Sorry, Anu, 19-3 final score.

The Banana Boat

The Banana Boat

 

 

 

 

 

Sunset. With Kaya, Uncle Anu, and cousin Olivia

Sunset. With Kaya, Uncle Anu, and cousin Alivia

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Our Movie Star Wives

Happy 7 to Gia!

Happy 7 to Gia!

Family Birthday

Family Birthday

Kaya

Kaya

Domestic Abuse: The other day my wife told me, “What you does?” I said, “Huh?” She said, “I wants to known when you am going to mow the lawn.” I said, “Excuse me?” She said, “You hearded me.” I said, “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to report you for verbal abuse.”

Penelope & Christie

Penelope & Christie

Married to Movie Stars:  San-J and I traded man hours for ladies nights. Our wives stay home and we watch Miami vs. San Antonio at the bar. Or we stay home with the kids and watch NBA while they go out. Well, after Terry and Tracy came home from an evening in Edmonds they were ecstatic because a man at Daphne’s bought them drinks and called them “Christie Brinkley” and “Penelope Cruz.” Hey, the way we see it, whoever compliments the wives compliments the husbands.

School's Out

School’s Out

Gia gets an award

Gia gets an award

Talking to the Kids:  My wife and I were talking about our daughters and soccer and I said, “Well, Ava’s new to it, but at present she’s horrible.” Terry countered with, “Ava’s new and it’s cute.” Definitely.  Still, I’m a proponent of “tough love” encouragement, although I soften my diction in front of the kids. Way I see it, when I’m cut my ire rises and can motivate. Believe me, I receive my share of insults.

Barbecue Fun with Quincy & San-J

Spilled wine with Quincy & San-J

Next day I’m talking with sister Sarah on Skype. Sarah’s a piano teacher and proponent of the “compliment effort not ability” school (as seconded by this – How Not to Talk to Your Kids). Specifically, don’t tell your kids, “You’re so smart.” Instead, say, “That was great effort.”

Terry intervenes and says to Sarah, “Caleb’s bringing it up because he said that Ava’s ‘horrible’ at soccer, and I told Caleb he shouldn’t think that.” Bam, there’s a wail and cry, and little Ava, nearby on the couch, starts crying: “Daddy, I heard that, you think I’m horrible.”

Quincy, Mom, Cousin, & Aunt

Quincy, Mom, Cousin, & Aunt

My heart breaks:  Later I ask Ava if she wants to kick the ball around. We’re in the yard, and I apologize for what I said. I say that’s she’s doing great, and that she’s improved incredibly. Then I mention how bad I was at soccer as a kid. Ava asks, “As bad as me?” I gave her a big hug and said, “I was the worst! You’re much better than me.”

School Poetry Reading, with friends Mara and Cassidy, and Tracy in the background.

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A Fine Sense of Humor

Before the Father-Daughter Dance

Before the Father-Daughter Dance

Tracy w/ex Portland Blazer Bill Walton...or is it my Father-in-law?

Tracy w/ex Portland Blazer Bill Walton…or is it my Father-in-law?

Goin' Dancing!

Goin’ Dancing!

Anatomy of a Joke:  Recently San-J, Tra-C, my wife, and I had dinner. Conversation drifted to my sense of humor/sense of hammer from my recent blog. They called me corny! Corny? I had to lay more humor down, explaining the formula joke, a common theme used and misused by the comedian…I started with why Arabic food cracks me up…because of my sense of hummus.

Happy 8th B-Day Ava!

Happy 8th B-Day Ava!

From one joke many:  I’m in overdrive, and posit, “Why does Tracy dig it when people talk about her? Her excellent sense of rumor.” Tracy said, “I don’t get it.” The back & forth trumped the joke, and she still said she didn’t get it. Then I waxed, “You hear about the grumpy oncologist who was fired? He had no sense of tumor.” More: “Why do the Superbowl halftime guys put up with that ex-Bengal QB? Because they have a good sense of Boomer.” The eyes kept rolling. Finally San-J said, “You know what I think of your jokes?”And he let out a big gasser, exhibiting his own scent of humor.

三朵金花!

三朵金花!

Mom & Gia Skating

Mom & Gia Skating

Subtle Man: So I’m going to a respectable function and my wife says, “You’re not wearing that T-shirt, are you?” I retreat to the bedroom, throw on a collared shirt, and head out, but my wife notices the T underneath. She says, “I see you didn’t take it off.” I said, “It’s what I call my subtle-T!”

I'm a Rainbow Warrior

I’m a Rainbow Warrior

From our balcony in Waikiki

From our balcony in Waikiki

Sad Ava: Bedtime. We send Ava to get a book to read, and she somehow gets a hold of the wrong one:  Go the F*ck to Sleep. Mom says no way. I second it. Ava starts crying because we won’t let her read the book. And in an ironic and predictable twist, guess what mom and dad were thinking?

Sister's family in Hawaii

Sister’s family in Hawaii

Min & Somjait's house with my wife w/niece & nephew

Min & Somjait’s house with my wife w/niece & nephew

It Just Gets Worse:  And a grand finale. My wife sees me as a glass not just half empty, but almost completely empty. She excessively badgers me and I had enough. I lost it and said, “I can’t stand your nagitivity!” Ba-ba-baaa-Boom!

Trail to Diamond Head

Trail to Diamond Head

Waianae, outside my sister's house.

Waianae, outside my sister’s house.

OK, the above joke is fiction, my wife’s great, we just got back from Hawaii (where my sister Min lives with husband & three kids) and a kid-free vacation (except for my sister’s varmints). Enjoy pictures of the Father-Daughter Dance, Ava’s birthday, and Oahu.

Video of the Month: Remember when Tracy got her PhD in Hair in my blog Hair Science? Now she’s doing promo for her salon! See Tra-C in  Fun Kuts, with a cameo by San-J and his scent of humor.

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Christmas 2012 & a New Cousin

Three Generations!

Three Generations!

Elliot holding lil' sis Quincy, Ava holding lil' cousin Gemma

Elliot holding lil’ sis Quincy, Ava holding lil’ cousin Gemma

Pictures trump words:  I’m certain my family and eager fans are waiting for more sexist humor or the next neologism, but this post will be pretty basic. I’m busy and can only offer photos and a diary-like account of the happenings since the last post. Photos trump words anyways, and so why write thousands when I can post pictures?

Stig, Mark, & Sanjay

Stig, Mark, & Sanjay

Lyngras visit:  My sister Sarah returned for the holidays with her son Nikolai and husband Stig. So we had a guys night out with my bro-in-law San-J and neighbor Mark, who has three sons that sometimes play with our three daughters. Stig’s Norwegian, Mark’s from the U.K. and I was born in Taiwan, thus Sanjay is the only native American. We went to Edmonds, a wild urban jungle, and no one remembers what happened.

Two dudes celebrate Baby Chopra & have a cigar

Two dudes celebrate Baby Chopra & have a cigar

Quincy!  The big story is the arrival of baby girl Quincy Taryn Chopra, born on December 1st to Tracy and Sanjay Chopra. A big congrats. All this time I thought Sanjay was a hermaphrodite, but fathering a baby offers contradictory evidence. Cigar time!

Grandy riding the duck with the grandkids

Grandy riding the duck with the grandkids

Duck tour:  So the ladies decided that this year we would “Ride the Duck” thing or whatever. Great fun, you ride this bus through downtown Seattle. Kids loved it. What can I say? As for Christmas, just another holiday season, merry-as-usual, and we’re hunkering down for the New Year.

And the final photo, Christmas Day! Best wishes for 2013!

Christmas Morning!!!

Christmas Morning!!!

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1st Annual “First Comic Sitting” Competition

 

The original Sanjay photo has been replaced on grounds of taste, as even this blog has standards. Therefore, instead, here's Grandpa at the ruins of Tulum. Not as funny, perhaps, but classier.

Sanjay with his father and two fathers-in-law, Jim & W. Macy

FIRST COMIC SITTING: Who’s the least funny comic? This blog, using the fore and aftermath of the San-J/Tra-C wedding, honors all those wannabe comedians who think they’re funny because friends and family laugh at their lame jokes. I’ve got news for these clowns: people like to laugh because they like to, not because they have taste. Just look at the success of Friends. Comedy? No. Entertainment? Hardly. Hope for amateur comedians? Definitely.

Grandy and her four granddaughters, introducing new arrival Gemma ala Aunt Melissa and Uncle Danny

I AM NOT FUNNY: Now, before I proceed, I am not a comedian, nor do I aspire to be. This art best left to the professionals. However, I seek quality humor. Unfortunately, even the supposed masters suck. It has been ten years, at least, since Robin Williams told a funny joke, and he was no monkey in a barrel during his best years…Mrs. Doubtfire? Ha ha ha hee hee hoo. Yet, like stated, I certainly am not capable of doing better. My M.O. only demonstrates how failed jokes sometimes are funny. Whether the joke accidental or intentional, laughter always is in the “sense” of the beholder.

Sanjay with Second Best Man Juice Jones

SHOULD HOMOSEXUALS BE ALLOWED TO MARRY? What is all the controversy? The real question should be: Should heterosexuals be allowed to marry? Rife with divorce and infidelity, bozos like Bill Clinton, John Edwards, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Mark Sanford, Arnold Scharzenegger, and Eliot Spitzer give ample fodder for the argument that a study should be commissioned to determine whether or not heterosexual marriage should be prohibited. Thus here’s to all those couples who’ve maintained successful marriages, my wife and I, Tra-C and San-J and their recent nuptials, our family’s, and all the couples that, despite the horrors of marriage, and horrors they are, have powered through to enjoy the fruits.

Gia from the balcony

PORN FOR WOMEN: There has been a recent onslaught of sexist books mocking men, not that men are bothered by being ridiculed. Titles like Everything a Man Knows About Women, Everything a Man Thinks About When He Isn’t Thinking About Sex, and so on…the punch line? A book of blank pages. Har har hoo hoo heh heh ho! My knee is turning red because I’m slapping it so hard. And then there are some gruesome stories…here I’d like to warn sensitive readers, you may not want to read further.

Like I Need to Be Funny

Tulum

I’m talking about “faux porn,” especially the new dirty books for women. These rags show men cleaning, cooking, and gardening. Gadzooks! Is this what men need to do to please women? Yikes, yikers, & yikest. However, after reading this article,  What Turns Women On, I discovered that I do have one “kinky” habit. I arrange my books alphabetically, separating fiction and nonfiction, although my wife would trade this for me vacuuming twice a day. Is this what women’s lib has brought on? Whatever happened to women who swooned after men who killed farm animals with their bare hands? Men, we’re screwed in a bad way.

Grandpa Jim just told a joke, see by Kaya and Elliot's faces how funny it was.

THE COMPETITION: Are you ready for the 1st Annual First Comic Sitting Competition? Previously I blogged about comedy & gender (Who’s Funnier? San-J or Christopher Hitchens…or Women?), with solid evidence to back my argument. However, my wife and sister-in-law think they’re funnier than the guys (specifically, me).  Thus, the contest. Sanjay Chopra Winfrey, the favorite, lost, as seen by the photo that was above (Sanjay’s antics will be kept in house, but let’s just say he’s had funnier nights). So the men were represented by Rick “William H. Macy” Newell. His rival? Tracy. Let’s see who can split whose sides:

Gaea, Anu, Jarett, Tonya, San-J, Tra-C, Juice

INTERLUDE: Please remember this is an amateur competition, that being said, Tracy’s joke not so bad, although the theme not too original. Is there an upset in the making? It’s left for Rick “Two Whales Walk into a Bar” Newell to decide. Though Rick knows how to install cabinets, bevel an edge, and use a circular saw, he’s rather shaky with a punch line.

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The “Sex-for-Chores” Carrot

MYSTERY: Who’s wearing the padded bra?

SEX FOR CHORES: Today’s post balances the usual, nauseatingly cute photos with racy adult humor, and asks: Why do women dangle the sex carrot to get their men to behave? My wife has tried this strategy, and my sister-in-law, Tracy, evidently is training Sanjay, pre-marriage. My advice to the ladies…don’t! Such incentive may work early, but eventually will backfire.

Gia & Cousin Elliot

It’s official, I’m now the Rev. Caleb Powell.

What do I mean? I’m talkin’ “sex-for-chores.” Women! Puhhhh-leeeeeeeez. My wife did the do-yardwork/go-shopping/clean-the gutters and I’ll rock-your-world schtick. Long ago I put a stop to this nonsense. Would a man pull this: “Sweetie, if you cook dinner tonight and vacuum the living room, then I’ll do you.” Most men agree that sex = good & shopping = bad. But what’s the reciprocal message implied by women? “I hate sex, but I like shopping, so we’ll trade.” Can you say, “Turned off!” It should be a win-win, right? Of course, on the other hand, the man (me) should perform chores happily just to please the wife…but as for shopping? Never!

春夏秋冬 Four Seasons & Love 愛

A CLUE TO THE MYSTERY: Who’s wearing the padded bra? Hint: It’s not San-J.

THE REVEREND CALEB POWELL: Tracy & San-J marry in May. I will perform the nuptials, and have become ordained. Ever since I got my official ID card from the Universal Life Church, I’m like a kid with a new toy. And not only am I a minister, I’m writing the vows.

VOWS (Spoken with Southern Baptist fury): (Tra-C/San-J), are you sure? Are you really, really, really, really positive, and I’m talkin’ 100%…that you want to spend the rest of your natural life in blissful…or blister-full…matrimony with (him/her)?  You can reconsider, it’s not too late, everyone will understand, so let’s have a drink, revisit next year or whenever. Once again, I ask…are you sure?

Kaya is “TERRY” safe in her car seat.

THE NEW VOCABU-TERRY: My wife, Terry, inspires vernacular (among the ways she moves me). The following words have entered my everyday vocab: HysTERRYcal: Whether it’s pizza, pasta, or potatoes, when my wife tells me that she’s snuck a dollop of mayonaisse into the mix (it happens weekly), I say, “Gee, that’s hysterrycal.” RheTERRYcal: Typical scenario, I open a beer, take a few drinks, and my wife asks, “Are you having another beer?” I reply, “Are you asking me a rheterrycal question?” HyTERRbolY: Examples of hyterrboly: “There’s nothing worse than too much cream in the coffee.” “I hate it when there’s laundry on my bed. It’s the most disgusting thing in the entire world.” (Clean laundry, no less!) “Tell me you’re not wearing wool socks with loafers and shorts. That’s going to ruin my weekend.”

Happy Second Birthday, Kaya!

A cross between William H. Macy and Ned Flanders? (See the Powell family on the fridge?)

WILLIAM H. MACY ATTENDS KAYA’S BIRTHDAY! In March our little Kaya turned 2; three days separates her birthday with Pops. We combined parties and lo and behold, there was a surprise appearance by Fargo and Boogie Nights star William H. Macy. Seriously, though, Pops, the ‘stache gives you a Macy flavor, or even Ned Flanders of The Simpsons (actually, any guy with a mustache looks like Ned “okey-dokey” Flanders).

Get ready for the The Bigger Dance (click to see my rant against sexist KJR radio)! And finally, the painting of the month by Beatrice Joan Wilson Powell (My Mom!):

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The Coupeville Festival, Broccoli & Sulfate-free Shampoo

BROTHERS-IN-LAW: Som-J, Me, Stig-J, San-J & Edison-J

BROTHERS-in-LAW ‘J’: This summer both sisters arrived to Washington State with their families, and not only that, one bro-in-law brought his parents and brother, and over the weekend Aunt Tracy & Sanjay arrived. That puts three generations, seven grandchildren, nine parents/aunts & uncles, and four grandparents all at the Powell house on Whidbey Island. Twenty people total. We spent a weekend there during the Coupeville Festival. Fun joy fun joy fun joy…

 

Kaya holding broccoli. (Dad had to disinfect her immediately)

Gia, Ava & Kaya making crafts.

CRUCIFEROUS:  I hate broccoli. Not just dislike. If broccoli had feelings, then I would ridicule that plant mercilessly. There are health attributes to the “vile weed” (as Newman called it in Seinfeld, see video here), but I say that even afficionados do not eat it for pleasure. If broccoli were harmful to the body, like bacon, no one would eat it. Thus, in the spirit, I wrote a poem, published this August, with uninhibited punctuation and all:

Cruciferous. What a word. Can anything be done?…
Read poem here.

Little Pirates: Gia, Damien, Orion & Ava

NORWEGIAN: Nephew Nikolai asked his father if he spoke English as well as he spoke Norwegian. Stig said, “Of course.” Then Nikolai said, “Oh, so you mispronounce words in Norwegian, too?” (It should be noted that Stig’s English is excellent, he’s fluent, although his Scrabble game suffers by not being a native speaker)

Face Painting at the Coupeville Festival

ERRANT PARENT: Also out in August, my essay about the mother who thought it’d be okay if her kids peed in the pool:

Since having children, my wife and I have fallen in love with the all-inclusive vacation. We sit by a pool, waiters and waitresses bring us drinks, and when we want a break from the piglets, we put them in daycare. However, our last vacation in Mexico (and first exclusively at an inclusive) set the stage for a little poolside confrontation…”

Read essay here.

Kaya…

THE HAIR CHRONICLES – NEXT CHAPTER:  True story, no exaggeration. I’m hanging out in the kitchen when Aunt Tracy, of Northwest Hair Academy fame,  in our living room reading some girlie magazine, calls out, “Wow! I don’t believe it!” I mean, she just screams, multiple exclamation marks will not capture the glee. So I run over there and ask, “What is it?” She says, “Paul Mitchell just made a sulfate-free shampoo!”  Really.

我爱中文酷!Also out, my Chinese puzzle book based on Sudoku. Sarah, my sister, publishes music books for children, and she put out Chinoku at Yellow Cat Publishing. The artwork is done by my mother, see her painting here, at The Copenhagen Review, and here. 我愛中文酷!
Chinoku: The Original Chinese Sudoku Game (Volume 1)