Father’s Day: Last year was the first year I did not attend a baseball game, due to my boycott of the Mariners. (I explain at The Nervous Breakdown.) This year, though, the boycott ended when the girls took me to the Mariners for Father’s Day. Brother-in-law Sanjay came, and we took our dads, my two oldest daughters, and Sanjay’s son.
Pregnant Woman Haiku: Before departing, sis-in-law Tracy had a meltdown over misplacing a small bit of mooola. Tears aflowing Sanjay a-consoling.
Tracy, four months pregnant, has an excuse for emotional outbursts. Nevertheless, as we drove to the game us men had a discussion about bees, birds, childbirth, plumbing, menstruation (Be thankful I don’t go into another “Why isn’t it called womenstruation?” shtick); these conversations have happened millions of times, no need to go over the details. Then Sanjay’s father, Chetan Chopra, had a serendipitous epiphany, and off the top of his head, he let out a haiku:
“The set up of man
It’s a scientific fact
Is very simple.” – Haiku, Chetan Chopra
Blonde Math: As with “womenstruation”, I’m a guy who beats jokes deep into the ground, so the other day I told Tracy that four out of three blondes are bad at statistics, and she says what’s a bad-ats? Conversation following:
Caleb: Hey Tracy, did you know that four out of three blondes are bad at statistics?
Tracy: What’s a “bad-ats?”
Caleb: I said, four out of three blondes are bad at statistics.
Tracy: They’re bad at sticks?
Tracy: Oh, I don’t get it.
Caleb: You have only three blondes, but four of them are bad at statistics.
Tracy: Hmm, I thought you said three out of four. Terry, come and save me, Caleb’s bugging me with his lame jokes!
The Dr. Garius Larsonkovitch Experiment: I’m no admirer of the Skinner Box, but when it comes to instructing our girls to face fears, my method replicates famed Easter European Clinical Psychologist Dr. Garius Larsonkovitch. I take inspiration from his controversial treatment of fear of heights, spiders, the dark, and closed places by placement of Patient A in a small, spider-filled dark box dangled from a cliff. This is how I taught Kaya to become acclimated in water. No waiting or gently easing in, I just took the little girl and dunked her.