Tag Archives: The Nervous Breakdown

Father’s Day, Pregnant Woman Haiku, Blonde Math, and the Dr. Garius Larsonkovitch Experiment

Father’s Day

Father’s Day:  Last year was the first year I did not attend a baseball game, due to my boycott of the Mariners. (I explain at The Nervous Breakdown.) This year, though, the boycott ended when the girls took me to the Mariners for Father’s Day. Brother-in-law Sanjay came, and we took our dads, my two oldest daughters, and Sanjay’s son.

My Dad, Gia, Ava, Dad Chopra, Son Chopra

Pregnant Woman Haiku: Before departing, sis-in-law Tracy had a meltdown over misplacing a small bit of mooola. Tears aflowing Sanjay a-consoling.

Tracy, four months pregnant, has an excuse for emotional outbursts. Nevertheless, as we drove to the game us men had a discussion about bees, birds, childbirth, plumbing, menstruation (Be thankful I don’t go into another “Why isn’t it called womenstruation?” shtick); these conversations have happened millions of times, no need to go over the details. Then Sanjay’s father, Chetan Chopra, had a serendipitous epiphany, and off the top of his head, he let out a haiku:

Father & Daughters

The set up of man

It’s a scientific fact

Is very simple.”Haiku, Chetan Chopra

Birthday sundaes. Gia turns six!

Blonde Math: As with “womenstruation”, I’m a guy who beats jokes deep into the ground, so the other day I told Tracy that four out of three blondes are bad at statistics, and she says what’s a bad-ats? Conversation following:

Caleb:  Hey Tracy, did you know that four out of three blondes are bad at statistics?

Marshmallows!

Tracy:  What’s a “bad-ats?”

Caleb:  I said, four out of three blondes are bad at statistics.

Tracy:  They’re bad at sticks?

Caleb:  Bad…at…statistics.

Tracy:  Oh, I don’t get it.

Caleb:  You have only three blondes, but four of them are bad at statistics.

Tracy:  Hmm, I thought you said three out of four. Terry, come and save me, Caleb’s bugging me with his lame jokes!

Rock!

The Dr. Garius Larsonkovitch Experiment:  I’m no admirer of the Skinner Box, but when it comes to instructing our girls to face fears, my method replicates famed Easter European Clinical Psychologist Dr. Garius Larsonkovitch.  I take inspiration from his controversial treatment of fear of heights, spiders, the dark, and closed places by placement of Patient A in a small, spider-filled dark box dangled from a cliff. This is how I taught Kaya to become acclimated in water. No waiting or gently easing in, I just took the little girl and dunked her.

Last Day at Sacajawea Elementary!

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Diapers and Double Standards

BOWLING AT EBEY BOWL on WHIDBEY ISLAND (with Gia rolling and Sarah, Stig, Nikolai, Ava, Kaya, and Terry looking on):

Uncle San-J, Gia & Elliot

Uncle San-J & Aunt Tra-C & Ava

THE END of DIAPERS: Like billions of parents, my wife & I have reached a milestone. Third daughter Kaya (Kaya on the Pot) is potty trained. Which means, after six and a half years of diapers, we’re done. After a couple of weeks of cold butt, namely, clothes off and icy shower for every accident, Kaya learned. Cruel? No. Effective? You bet.

Grandy, Ava, San-J & Tra-C

THE MONROE STATE FAIR YANG-YANG: This year my wife talked me into going to the Monroe State Fair. Usually she takes sister Tracy and the kids, giving me a win-win, or in the Daoist tradition, a yin-yin, as I escape the Fair and get a day to myself. But not this year.  So what’s the Monroe State Fair like? Think Disneyland but shorter. That’s a yang-yang. Nevertheless, in the end, the kids loved it, so what can I say?

Cousins, Three Sisters + Nikolai and Baby Gemma

FATHERMUCKER: I contribute to The Nervous Breakdown, a literary site, and TNB editor Greg Olear will release Fathermucker this October from Harper, a novel up my alley about a stay-at-home father. I wrote an article for the Fathermucker blog, in the spirit of gender inequities, “The Double Standard Makes Sense.” The point? You think men and women are equal? Hell no. I use circumcision, penitentiaries, and other examples to hammer down.

 

A Visit From the Tessaro Family: Cora, Cleo, and Eva

The Ferry to Whidbey Island

THE DOUBLE STANDARD: “I am married, the stay-at-home father of three daughters, and a proud sexist. Two sexes deserve equal rights, but not equal treatment. Why? Because men and women are not equal. Duh…” (Read essay here)

 

Uncle Somjait and Cousins Orion, Damien, & Satori taking Ava & Gia to their first day of school

Poker Night! Andy, Uncle Somjait, Me, Uncle Sanjay

MY SISTERS FLY HOME: This summer, as usual, my two younger sisters visited from afar (referenced in my Fathermucker piece) with their families. Always nice to have them, as they make our family seem relatively normal (examples may come in later blogs). My youngest sister Min and husband Somjait and three kids live in Hawaii, and Sarah with husband Stig and son live in Saudi Arabia. Hectic but very nice to spend time together as a family.

FAMILY TIME at GRANDY’s house  w/her offspring Terry, Tracy, & Danny

September 11, 2011, the last 80 degree+ day of summer?

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Filed under Disney, Feminist Issues, Mary Kay Letourneau, Pink is Evil, Sexist Stay-at-home Father